my real vacation starts right here

First and foremost I want to say thank you to all the people that have called, emailed, and posted comments over the last few days. They have been so helpful and I can say with certainty that the last few days would not have been so easy without the love and support of you all.

I am doing very well. I went in for surgery yesterday morning at 6:45 and was “home” by 11. Everything was very simple and I was lucky to have my parents to keep Julianna, my husband waiting for me in the waiting room, and a very sweet doctor and nurse to take care of me in the hospital. I have a prescription for pain killers that I really haven’t needed and have already quit taking. Although I can't swim for the next two weeks, I still managed to spend the afternoon with family resting on the beach and seeing a matinee showing of Batman followed by dinner at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. Life is good.

<img src="http://www.aisforbeautiful.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/dsc05070small.jpg" alt="Jules wearing her Big Sister shirt" />

In the past 48 hours I have questioned so many things. I have wondered about my 8 ½ week appointment a month ago and how I wanted to push it back from Monday to Friday since I would be at the beach for the following month. If I had done that would we have known a month earlier? I have wondered if my experience with c diff somehow made me unhealthy enough to terminate a pregnancy. I have wondered what to do with the adorable “Big Sister” shirt I bought Julianna two weeks ago.

On the other hand, I have also wondered about the half marathon at the end of April 2009 that my sister has been asking me to commit to run with her and about the weight that I’ve been putting off losing. I have wondered if this is my opportunity. I have wondered if this is God’s plan for my job situation – to not have to go on maternity leave during the middle of the regular school year. And I have wondered about having a winter baby and how that would affect any PPD that I might have after Baby # 2 is born. Maybe I am just meant to have a summer baby. :)

I think the main thing that I have been thinking about is how much harder this would have been if it had been my first pregnancy. For all of you people out there who have gone through that, I am so sorry. I cannot even fathom how difficult that would be.

When we got pregnant with Julianna we didn’t tell anyone before the first trimester was over except our immediate family (and we even waited until 11 weeks to tell them). I was beyond excited about being pregnant, but I also was cautious enough to not want to make a mistake born out of excitement that I may have had to “un-tell” later. I am so glad that I made those decisions.

I am also so very glad that I made the decision to announce this pregnancy early on. If we had followed the same plan and not shared our news this time around until the “safe period,” then Jonathan and I would be suffering alone right now. Instead we have had an enormous amount of love and support from everyone who knows us. I have had people I don’t even know write me to share their experiences with me. I have had family members write me to tell me their personal experience that I had not even been aware of prior to sharing mine. I have had friends show genuine concern for me and it has without a doubt been the greatest blessing.

While I am sad that I won’t have a baby to play with in January, I am so satisfied that I have put this experience behind me and that we’ll be able to try again in the future. Thanks again for loving on me guys. I mean it.

And if anyone makes fun of me for wearing my maternity clothes for the next month or so I’m going to punch them in the face. Just kidding. But really, those things are just so darn comfy. :)