one month

Dear Josh,

Oh my.  You are already one month old.  The time has flown by and I have really cherished this first month with you.  Things have been so different than they were with your sister.  In my experience, it has been a lot easier to care for a baby the second time around and it is truly a joy to take care of you.  Maybe that's because I had a better idea of what to expect with you, but I really feel like I can savor these early weeks with you because I already knew about the bad parts and because I know that this will be the last little baby I have.  I'm finding it easier to be much more laid back with you and we just go with the flow.  Plus, I'm pretty certain that having you has made me love your sister even more although I never thought it possible.

I can already see changes in you despite the fact that it has only been a few short weeks since you were born.  Your face looks different.  Your vision has improved and you make eye contact with us now.  You will find a face or catch sight of a moving hand and follow it back and forth from left to right.  I'm pretty sure that you're already smiling in response to people now especially when we goo goo at you.  You've grown so much and gotten so much stronger.  You lift your head high off my shoulder and you push off with your hands.  You even amaze me with the strength you're developing in your legs already.

When we first came home from the hospital my milk had just come in and we had a rough first night.  You were gassy and fussy and we didn't sleep all that much at a time.  Luckily, after that we quickly fell into a routine with you waking to eat every two hours and gradually you have gotten to the point where you'll sleep from about ten until two or three which mommy loves.  One night you were so tired from an exhausting day without much sleep that you made it all the way until 4:30 am.  It makes such a difference when I only have to get up one time to feed you each night and I know that it will only get better.

You haven't had a drop of formula since that first 36 hours in the NICU and you breasfeed like a champ which makes mommy really proud.  Lately Julianna, who has never cared for baby dolls much, has taken to carrying around a baby she likes to call Yoda.  She feeds him from a bottle she holds up to her chest and "fills with milk" and it is the sweetest thing.  She even says she gets up to feed him in the middle of the night.  All of this is inspired by you Josh.

So Daddy has started calling you Tud and Jules immediately started telling people about her brother Joshy after she first saw you.  You see, you had to wait to meet everyone except for Daddy and I after we left the hospital because of the strict rules in the NICU.  But I'm pretty sure everyone loved you the instant they laid eyes on you.  You have the most beautiful head of dark brown hair and the sweetest deep blue eyes.  I'm finding that it's hard not to keep comparing you to your sister.  Your feet are much smaller and your fingers and legs are much shorter even though you weighed almost a pound more than her at birth.  You burp and poot just like a boy but thankfully you don't spit up half as much as Julianna did.  You go back to the doctor in a month and I am already anxious to see how much you weigh since I can tell that you are gaining quite a bit.

There are so many blessings that I have realized concerning your birth.  I really wallowed in self pity after my miscarriage last year when I realized that my children wouldn't be any closer than four grades apart in school.  It has turned out to be really wonderful to have such a mature 3.5 year old as your older sister.  She is so gentle with you and she helps out quite a bit when I need her to.  Plus, she's in preschool five days a week and takes dance on Tuesdays so she gets those extra doses of attention.  We wouldn't have any of that with a two year old and for that I am thankful.

Also, I thought it would be awful having a baby at the end of October (and it still may be hard to have a baby in the winter) but so far it's been great.  You'll be a good age at Christmas and you'll be five weeks at Thanksgiving so Daddy will have a little extra time off to spend with you and Jules.  I'll hopefully be all set to go back to work after the first of the year.  The timing was just... right.

Baby Joshua, it is so obvious to me now that you were a part of God's perfect plan for our family and I am so very thankful for you.  We adore you.  At only one month old you've already fallen into a comfortable rhythm in our house and you are the perfect completion to our family.

Love you baby.
Mama