stories

Josh runs in the living room with the Magic 8 ball he hasn't played with in over a year. "Mom!" he says, "What does this thing do?" I explain that you have to ask it a yes or no question and then turn it over to reveal its answer. He steps away from me a few feet and whispers, "Am I ever going to be able to get a gun?" He turns the 8 ball over and brings it to me and asks me to read the answer.

"My sources say no," I read.

Stomping his foot he whines, "Mooooommmm, why's it giving me your answers?!"


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Hey dad have you ever seen somebody poot so hard that you saw it turn green?

I've never seen anybody poot, buddy.

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I just want to take my pants off!

Well if you take your pants off we're going to bed.

Ok fine. I'll just take my shirt off then!

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"Mom, when Santa makes toys out of wood, what does he do with the leaves from the tree branches?"
"Maybe he grinds the leaves up and makes paint with them, Josh."

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Josh and Julianna built a fort with the couch cushions. Julianna knocks on the door and says, "Hi! It's Julianna Tucker. Can I come in?" She goes in and he tells her it's time to order the pizza. So he calls and orders the pizza. Besides telling the pizza person our phone number for our address he also tells them he wants one cheese pizza and one pizza with one pepperoni slice on it. Clearly he's not related to me.


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I was lying on a towel on our deck in the sun and Josh came up to me with a itty bitty handheld fan he'd gotten from somewhere. I had one arm folded in half under my head and one arm down by my side. He takes his time and aims the fan at each of my legs for a few minutes. Then he moves to the arms starting with the one by my side and then moving to the one folded under my head. He takes on look at it and says, "Hey Mom! This arm's a little bit fatter than the other. Did you know that?" "Sure, Josh." "You must use the other one more. Do you?" "I guess so, Josh. It's my right arm and I'm right handed so I do use it more."

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