two for two

we went running again this morning. so far i’m down 3 pounds since school started two weeks ago and 7.5 since two weeks before that. i’ve exercised three times this week already. yay for me! today i don’t think i ran quite as much as i did Tuesday, but i still ran/walked for 30 minutes.

in anticipation of this morning’s folly we had some funny conversations last night.

husband on running this past Tuesday: it really wasn’t that bad until i realized i’d only been running for four minutes and was about to step on my tongue.

me (eager to get out of exercising any more than i have to): but what about the rain tomorrow?

sister on running again this morning: i’ll walk in the rain. as long as i don’t get mauled by a dog again.

my mom

my mom is a pretty cool mom. she has been so great about my parenting skills. i’ll complain about how so-and-so said that i should do such-and-such and she’ll respond SO CORRECTLY by emphatically saying, “they can’t remember 30 years ago” or “so what?” she’s always seemingly on my side which is totally what i’ve needed since i’ve become a parent – someone on my side and not always suggesting other ways to do it or always telling her experience like it’s the only one that matters.

she baby-sits Jules at the drop of a hat and she offers an opinion with (usually) not too much pressure. i’m not just writing all of this because she’s reading it either. whatever harebrained thought i have about little J she just goes along with it, knowing *i guess* that i just have to learn for myself. anyway, she’ll do what i ask even if i am nazi-ish about it and i love her for that.

she also gives me leftovers when i drop Jules off at her house so sometimes i don’t have to make my lunch. and you know what?! monday it was my FAVORITIST MEAL EVER.

she doesn’t complain when i come early in the mornings or when i’m a little late from work some afternoons. and she doesn’t expect to see Julianna every time she wants to either. (very much unlike all those other people who claim they won’t see her again until she’s walking. ugh!)

but most of all, i love my mom because i understand a mother’s love now. i can truly appreciate all that she’s done for me and all that she still will do. and i love my mom because she loves my daughter.


“We never know the love of the parent until we become parents ourselves.” --Henry Ward Beecher

then and now

then

now

the new jungle gym

i absolutely LOVE the new Curious George soundtrack (thanks Lucy)! Jack Johnson is just awesome (if you ignore the fact that there are several spelling mistakes on his website). my newest favorite song in the whole world is Jungle Gym. i highly recommend you take a listen.

The city is my jungle gym
Look at this big great world that we're living in
There's lots of fun to be had on these streets
We can take a ride just you and me
It's a jungle gym
It's a jungle gym
Trolley cars and buses too
All the big kids going to school
I'm going to get a treat from the ice cream man
Catch me catch me if you can
It's a jungle gym
The city's nitty gritty but it's so much fun
We can take a ride go tell everyone
It's a jungle gym
Sha la la la la la la la la la

deep breath. deep breath

two of my very good friends from college came to visit this weekend. it was great to see “real people” again. they got to ooohhhh and aaaahhhh over the baby and i got to eat food that wasn’t on my diet (thanks E and B!).

two things that i’ve realized this weekend:

first, i was really convicted in Sunday School to volunteer more. now i don’t really know yet what that means i’m going to do, but i do know that i am going to try to make an effort in that direction. i also don’t have a clue why i felt that strong conviction because that’s not at all what our lesson or discussion was about. i just know that i’m going to try to do more for others. let me know if you have a suggestion.

anyway, the second thing i realized was that i have no excuse not to exercise any more. i keep saying that my excuses are valid and i can come up with a pretty good list of them, but the fact of the matter is that i can find time for whatever my priority is (like reading blogs).

i know that starting an exercise program again now that i have a five month old will be harder than it was to regulate my bowel movements after giving birth (HA!), but i am going to try to this week. as a matter of fact i rallied up the troops (my husband and sister) and suckered them into getting up at the butt crack of dawn this morning to go run/walk 30 minutes with me.

now let me tell you. i haven’t exercised, i mean really exercised, since i was 4 ½ months pregnant. (that was almost a year ago! ACK!) and it was harder today than it was then. that’s really saying something (ever tried to run in 95 degree heat with morning sickness and a poochy belly?).

i’ve never been a runner. it’s always made my knees hurt when i try to run on pavement and i’ve never had the motivation so i had never even made it a mile straight until last year when my sister got on a running kick (she ran a half marathon – go Whit!). i gradually made it up to 4.5 miles with her and j, but then i quit. i’m not aiming for any of that now. i just want to get back in shape and shake away a few (er, twenty more) pounds.

so all of this brings about a new dilemma… how do you people with kids exercise? i need help. have any input?

this morning the husband ran a while then cooled-down-walked and my sister left ten minutes after him. when he came back in i left and warm-up-walked and then ran and walked for thirty minutes. that way we never left the baby alone asleep in the crib even for just a few short minutes (i promise).

so my total was probably only ten minutes of running and twenty minutes of fast walking, but that’s all i could manage this morning. i probably wouldn’t have even made it that far if my sister hadn’t passed off her iPod to me on her way in. before i had anything to distract my mind i just kept having those negative thoughts passing through my head. you know the ones that say, “i can’t do this. this is BS. why am i out here? it’ll never work. etc”? [then the iPod came to the rescue. i’ve really got to get one of those things!]

my biggest problem with this plan is that i need the encouragement of others to keep going or i always quit running and just walk instead. i need that little extra voice (no matter how annoying [he] it is) to tell me not to stop. while today they were out exercising too, it wasn’t exactly with me. and if i have to keep up this running program by myself then i just don’t know how long it will last. i am weak without them. but i can’t very well leave the little girl alone in the house either.

for now i feel exhilarated and definitely on a high from accomplishing something already today (and it’s only 9:10 am). that’s HUGE! just two days ago i was saying that i would probably never exercise again.

so tell me people. is it just a fact of life that once you have kids you will never get to exercise with your husband again? take it away Internet!

time for a little reading

we were going to order a router off of amazon but after thinking on that one for [significantly less than] a few hours i promptly sent husband to the store to purchase one (yes!) with a coupon i remembered i had (double-yes!). we were able to plug in my desktop with a straight connection, but no wireless = no laptop on the couch with the TV going in front of me so i decided i couldn’t wait for amazon to deliver. anyway, internet is back up and now i’m trying to catch up on all of my blog reading.

well, i’m sure you already know this, but you people write A LOT!!! i especially enjoyed reading one of famous Amy’s posts this week [but then who doesn’t enjoy reading some of her stuff?]. her post described something i would do almost word for word.

and as usual i missed a lot on Zoot's blog this week as i slacked on my reading. oh how i would have loved to go visit Zoot’s house, but apparently i missed out. darn it! anyway, lots of fun reading to catch up on... this may have to substitute for my book reading...

sorry there's nothing more exciting here. i'll have more fun stuff tomorrow. pinky swear.

Things you may not have known about me (or even cared to know).....

My router went out so I've been without internet (OH MY!) for 36 hours now. Since it's Friday I will celebrate by posting this email forward I got last night. I apologize for this being so similar to my post on Wednesday, but oh heck! Who cares?!

A) 4 Jobs I have had in my life
1. accountant/bookkeeper at manufacturing plant
2. I worked at The Limited
3. Annual Fund telemarketer in college (the WORST!)
4. teacher

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Beaches
2. The Notebook
3. The Princess Bride
4. Misery

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Raleigh, NC
2. Winston-Salem, NC
3. Raleigh, NC
4. Winston-Salem, NC

D) Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. American Idol
2. Project Runway
3. Survivor (Sept. 14)
4. The Biggest Loser (Sept. 20)

E) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. various cities in Mexico
2. various cicites in CA
3. cruisin' the Caribbean
4. Colorado

F) Websites I visit daily:
1. see my blogroll
2. www.cbdscougars.com
3. www.myspace.com
4. www.google.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. salsa and chips
2. chocolate
3. ice cream
4. cheese

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. home
2. Myrtle Beach
3. Hawaii
4. New York

5 months

Dear Julianna,

You are five months old! I can’t believe how time flies! Just about one year ago today I went to the doctor’s office and saw you for the very first time. I couldn’t believe that it was true, that I was going to be blessed with my first child. I was so very excited to see you and your father was too. But he was also very nervous about going in at first so unfortunately he missed out on seeing you that first time, but he would see you soon. Little did I know then what the next year would have in store for us!

The past five months have flown by. You are eating real food now. You love applesauce, bananas, peaches, and pears. The cereal you love not so much, but we still try to make you eat it for the iron. You kick your chubby little legs and grunt in excitement when we sit you in the high chair. You take the spoon out of our hands and shove it in your mouth so forcefully that you sometimes gag yourself. You are your mother’s daughter. :)

You can sit up by yourself and you want to do it all the time. Heaven forbid there be something going on in the room that you can’t see. You’ve been rolling over tummy to back for about a month now and you’ve gotten really good at it. It really makes it hard for me to change your diaper as you squirm your way around the floor and changing table. You are really close to mastering the back to tummy roll.

We call you Drooly Julie sometimes because girl, you can drool! You’re little white teeth can be seen through your swollen gums and you chew on absolutely EVERYTHING. Still no tooth has popped through even though I know it won’t be long.

You really hate to have your mouth wiped. You have learned that fast because of all of the spitting up you do. We constantly have to wipe your face and clean out your neck folds. Sometimes I feel like I’m the worst mama because I can’t make you stop spitting up so much and although it doesn’t seem to bother you, it still breaks my heart to see you do it all the time because I know it can’t be fun.

And speaking of chubby neck folds, you’re a little porker! Your baby fat is so adorable! Everyone says that you will really slim down once you start crawling and walking, but for now you are as cute as can be! After all you’re around 18 pounds and 27 inches! You’re a big girl!

We sing the alphabet song on the way to Nanna and Papaw’s every day. You love to be sung to, especially by your daddy. You have so much fun splashing around in the tub with him too. Sometimes you splash so much water out of the tub that he has to take his shirt off because it’s getting soaking wet.

Jules, we love you girl. We could never have imagined how life would be with you in it and we certainly cannot imagine now how life would be without you.

Love,
Mama

100 things…

<p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">1. My name is Courtney.<br />2. My last name rhymes with a bad word.<br />3. If it weren’t my last name I would consider naming my children just that because I like it.<br />4. My college roommates and I actually wanted to name our cat that name because we all once lived in a dorm called that except we decided not to because my boyfriend at the time (bet you couldn’t guess he’s my husband now) had it as a last name.<br />5. My initials are the same as a television music station.<br />6. My self given nickname is Triple C (for chocolate covered cherry).<br />7. In college I gave my husband the nickname CTO (for Christmas Tree Ornament).<br />8. My husband and I have been together for 9 years although we will celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary in October 2006.<br />9. We got married in my church but by his preacher.<br />10. At the end of the reception we ran out of the church to our lovely decorated car (including saran wrapped doors and jacked up tires), ran right around it and jumped into my uncle’s van. As he drove us away we watched everyone’s shocked expressions.<br />11. That is my favorite photo from our wedding.<br />12. Our wedding cake fell just before the reception. I didn’t care. We were still able to eat it.<br />13. I love cake.<br />14. I love dark chocolate.<br />15. I love salsa and chips. Especially when the chips are warm and salty. Especially when the salsa is a little on the hot side. And especially when they are served to me quickly.<br />16. Sweet potatoes make me want to gag and you’d have to pay me a lot of money to get me to drink root beer.<br />17. I hate the texture of watermelon. It reminds me of floral oasis.<br />18. I also hate the texture of eggs. They remind me of rubber.<br />19. I like foods that are supposed to be cold, cold. And I like food that is supposed to be hot, hot. For instance, I prefer not to eat potato salad because potatoes are supposed to be hot not cold and it really bothers me when people eat cold pizza.<br />20. I could easily eat a whole pizza if I tried, but I won’t because I’m trying to lose weight.<br />21. I’m always trying to lose weight. Well, maybe I wasn’t as a child. Just sometimes I try harder than others.<br />22. I was born in March 1978. March is a good month to be born in.<br />23. My daughter was born in March 2006.<br />24. I wanted a boy, but I am so glad to have her and wouldn’t change it for the world.<br />25. My mother in law thinks my daughter’s nickname is horrible and she wishes we wouldn’t call her that.<br />26. I wish that I were more assertive.<br />27. I wish that it were easier for me to say no to people.<br />28. I wish that this list were easier to write.<br />29. I am a Christian.<br />30. I have a cat named Simon. He likes to ride on the top of our car and has to be run off as we exit the neighborhood.<br />31. I am afraid of riding a go-cart.<br />32. I hate spam (both the food and the email kind).<br />33. I love, love, love reality TV.<br />34. I also love the Food Network although I don't have cable.<br />35. I love good commercials. Especially ones with catchy jingles. My sister and I memorize them and then sing them to each other.<br />36. My sister is my only sibling. She is one of my best friends and I admire her for all that she is.<br />37. I CANNOT STAND Nicholas Cage, Ashley Simpson, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Comedy Central, or the Simpsons.<br />38. I love movies.<br />39. My favorite movies are Beaches, The Princess Bride, The Green Mile, Misery, and The Notebook.<br />40. I lived in London for a month. Other than that I’ve always lived in North Carolina.<br />41. I am a teacher.<br />42. I majored in Accounting until I decided to change my major to Business (Information Systems) my very last semester in college.<br />43. I wish there were more station wagons on the market these days.<br />44. I am an alumnae of Sigma Alpha Omega.<br />45. I am almost exactly like my mother. Our senior high school pictures look exactly alike.<br />46. I have learned from my father to invest as much as possible in the stock market.<br />47. I hate returning phone calls. I think we should ban phones and only use email.<br />48. It really bothers me how companies like the cell phone companies will only authorize changes on the account for the primary account holder (even if I am his wife or her sister or whatever).<br />49. My family and I have a goal to go hiking every time there is a fifth Sunday.<br />50. I like tulips.<br />51. Summer is my favorite season. (Did I mention I’m a teacher? ha ha)<br />52. I am still learning to cook.<br />53. I like to cook, but I hate to clean up. I am also not very good at cooking. I think I will still be learning to cook even when I’m eighty years old.<br />54. I like doing laundry, but I hate washing dishes.<br />55. I love coupons, but I hate dealing with rebates.<br />56. I am a sucker for kittens.<br />57. I am such a tightwad that I really hate wasting even the slightest bit of food or scrap of paper.<br />58. My biggest pet peeve is when you open a door and people walk through the door you’re holding open. Especially when you open the door on the right and they have a door on the left (their right) to come through.<br />59. I have a bad habit of correcting my husband’s pronunciation of any word I may think he pronounced wrong.<br />60. I can’t throw.<br />61. I love scrapbooking.<br />62. I have worked at The Limited, as a telemarketer for my college, at Curves, at Kohl’s, and had various teaching jobs.<br />63. I voted for President Bush.<br />64. In the 12+ years I've been driving I have gotten two speeding tickets and one warning for “running a red light” which I will still debate strongly with anyone who wants to talk about it. 65. I love Myrtle Beach.<br />66. I love snow days. (Again, I’m a teacher.)<br />67. I try not to go anywhere without my camera and my laptop.<br />68. I want to go to Australia and New Zealand.<br />69. Sadly, I like Days of Our Lives. “It’s time to start the exorcism!”<br />70. In college I ate an entire bag of Hershey’s Nuggets in one sitting.<br />71. I gained more than the “freshman fifteen.” (see number 70)<br />72. My daughter is the first grandchild on both sides.<br />73. I wish I knew more programming languages.<br />74. I am not really afraid of snakes or spiders, but I don’t like jumping bugs.<br />75. Mosquitoes really have a thing for me.<br />76. I wet my pants occasionally. (When laughing. When exercising. When picking little J up. Seriously. Love being a mom. Love it.)<br />77. I have two favorite words in Spanish (izquierda and iglesia). I just think they sound cool.<br />78. I can’t whistle very well.<br />79. I don’t like horses.<br />80. I love college basketball.<br />81. I don’t always use all the correct fingers to press each key when I type.<br />82. I am not very good at Dance, Dance, Revolution.<br />83. I am having a really hard time trying to do this list all by myself.<br />84. I think all hotels should have free internet access.<br />85. I used to sell Tupperware.<br />86. I miss Katie Couric on TODAY. (OK so that one's not about me. How about this one? I want to go to a monster truck show just for kicks.)<br />87. I have a treadmill that I never use (like everyone else in America but I don’t hang clothes on it).<br />88. My first date with my husband included dinner and a movie… with my younger sister and two of her friends.<br />89. I once was a homecoming queen (when I was about ten).<br />90. My favorite flavor of ice cream is cookies and cream (although this changes daily).<br />91. I get car sick.<br />92. I will never go to Paris again.<br />93. I am pear shaped and currently need to lose about 25 pounds.<br />94. I used to date a guy my mom and sister called “mosquito boy.”<br />95. I’ve never liked Saturday Night Live.<br />96. I’ve never broken a bone in my body, but had stitches several times.<br />97. Loud people get on my nerves.<br />98. I love to go shopping before dawn the day after Thanksgiving.<br />99. I answer stupid product surveys for money.<br />100. I hate when I interrupt people.</span></p>

100 things...

1. My name is Courtney.
2. My last name rhymes with a bad word.
3. If it weren’t my last name I would consider naming my children just that because I like it.
4. My college roommates and I actually wanted to name our cat that name because we all once lived in a dorm called that except we decided not to because my boyfriend at the time (bet you couldn’t guess he’s my husband now) had it as a last name.
5. My initials are the same as a television music station.
6. My self given nickname is Triple C (for chocolate covered cherry).
7. In college I gave my husband the nickname CTO (for Christmas Tree Ornament).
8. My husband and I have been together for 9 years although we will celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary in October 2006.
9. We got married in my church but by his preacher.
10. At the end of the reception we ran out of the church to our lovely decorated car (including saran wrapped doors and jacked up tires), ran right around it and jumped into my uncle’s van. As he drove us away we watched everyone’s shocked expressions.
11. That is my favorite photo from our wedding.
12. Our wedding cake fell just before the reception. I didn’t care. We were still able to eat it.
13. I love cake.
14. I love dark chocolate.
15. I love salsa and chips. Especially when the chips are warm and salty. Especially when the salsa is a little on the hot side. And especially when they are served to me quickly.
16. Sweet potatoes make me want to gag and you’d have to pay me a lot of money to get me to drink root beer.
17. I hate the texture of watermelon. It reminds me of floral oasis.
18. I also hate the texture of eggs. They remind me of rubber.
19. I like foods that are supposed to be cold, cold. And I like food that is supposed to be hot, hot. For instance, I prefer not to eat potato salad because potatoes are supposed to be hot not cold and it really bothers me when people eat cold pizza.
20. I could easily eat a whole pizza if I tried, but I won’t because I’m trying to lose weight.
21. I’m always trying to lose weight. Well, maybe I wasn’t as a child. Just sometimes I try harder than others.
22. I was born in March 1978. March is a good month to be born in.
23. My daughter was born in March 2006.
24. I wanted a boy, but I am so glad to have her and wouldn’t change it for the world.
25. My mother in law thinks my daughter’s nickname is horrible and she wishes we wouldn’t call her that.
26. I wish that I were more assertive.
27. I wish that it were easier for me to say no to people.
28. I wish that this list were easier to write.
29. I am a Christian.
30. I have a cat named Simon. He likes to ride on the top of our car and has to be run off as we exit the neighborhood.
31. I am afraid of riding a go-cart.
32. I hate spam (both the food and the email kind).
33. I love, love, love reality TV.
34. I also love the Food Network although I don't have cable.
35. I love good commercials. Especially ones with catchy jingles. My sister and I memorize them and then sing them to each other.
36. My sister is my only sibling. She is one of my best friends and I admire her for all that she is.
37. I CANNOT STAND Nicholas Cage, Ashley Simpson, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Comedy Central, or the Simpsons.
38. I love movies.
39. My favorite movies are Beaches, The Princess Bride, The Green Mile, Misery, and The Notebook.
40. I lived in London for a month. Other than that I’ve always lived in North Carolina.
41. I am a teacher.
42. I majored in Accounting until I decided to change my major to Business (Information Systems) my very last semester in college.
43. I wish there were more station wagons on the market these days.
44. I am an alumnae of Sigma Alpha Omega.
45. I am almost exactly like my mother. Our senior high school pictures look exactly alike.
46. I have learned from my father to invest as much as possible in the stock market.
47. I hate returning phone calls. I think we should ban phones and only use email.
48. It really bothers me how companies like the cell phone companies will only authorize changes on the account for the primary account holder (even if I am his wife or her sister or whatever).
49. My family and I have a goal to go hiking every time there is a fifth Sunday.
50. I like tulips.
51. Summer is my favorite season. (Did I mention I’m a teacher? ha ha)
52. I am still learning to cook.
53. I like to cook, but I hate to clean up. I am also not very good at cooking. I think I will still be learning to cook even when I’m eighty years old.
54. I like doing laundry, but I hate washing dishes.
55. I love coupons, but I hate dealing with rebates.
56. I am a sucker for kittens.
57. I am such a tightwad that I really hate wasting even the slightest bit of food or scrap of paper.
58. My biggest pet peeve is when you open a door and people walk through the door you’re holding open. Especially when you open the door on the right and they have a door on the left (their right) to come through.
59. I have a bad habit of correcting my husband’s pronunciation of any word I may think he pronounced wrong.
60. I can’t throw.
61. I love scrapbooking.
62. I have worked at The Limited, as a telemarketer for my college, at Curves, at Kohl’s, and had various teaching jobs.
63. I voted for President Bush.
64. In the 12+ years I've been driving I have gotten two speeding tickets and one warning for “running a red light” which I will still debate strongly with anyone who wants to talk about it. 65. I love Myrtle Beach.
66. I love snow days. (Again, I’m a teacher.)
67. I try not to go anywhere without my camera and my laptop.
68. I want to go to Australia and New Zealand.
69. Sadly, I like Days of Our Lives. “It’s time to start the exorcism!”
70. In college I ate an entire bag of Hershey’s Nuggets in one sitting.
71. I gained more than the “freshman fifteen.” (see number 70)
72. My daughter is the first grandchild on both sides.
73. I wish I knew more programming languages.
74. I am not really afraid of snakes or spiders, but I don’t like jumping bugs.
75. Mosquitoes really have a thing for me.
76. I wet my pants occasionally. (When laughing. When exercising. When picking little J up. Seriously. Love being a mom. Love it.)
77. I have two favorite words in Spanish (izquierda and iglesia). I just think they sound cool.
78. I can’t whistle very well.
79. I don’t like horses.
80. I love college basketball.
81. I don’t always use all the correct fingers to press each key when I type.
82. I am not very good at Dance, Dance, Revolution.
83. I am having a really hard time trying to do this list all by myself.
84. I think all hotels should have free internet access.
85. I used to sell Tupperware.
86. I miss Katie Couric on TODAY. (OK so that one's not about me. How about this one? I want to go to a monster truck show just for kicks.)
87. I have a treadmill that I never use (like everyone else in America but I don’t hang clothes on it).
88. My first date with my husband included dinner and a movie… with my younger sister and two of her friends.
89. I once was a homecoming queen (when I was about ten).
90. My favorite flavor of ice cream is cookies and cream (although this changes daily).
91. I get car sick.
92. I will never go to Paris again.
93. I am pear shaped and currently need to lose about 25 pounds.
94. I used to date a guy my mom and sister called “mosquito boy.”
95. I’ve never liked Saturday Night Live.
96. I’ve never broken a bone in my body, but had stitches several times.
97. Loud people get on my nerves.
98. I love to go shopping before dawn the day after Thanksgiving.
99. I answer stupid product surveys for money.
100. I hate when I interrupt people.

bucking the system no more

OK so I've really been resistent to creating and adding an Amazon wishlist to my blog for various reasons. i thought that it seemed selfish, pointless, and rude/too much like asking for gifts. now i've changed my mind. i think providing a wish list not only gives people wonderful gift ideas for you, but it also gives people better insight as to who you are and what you're interested in. (i know, i know, you internet people have been saying that all along.) with that said, here is my newborn Amazon wish list.

mmmmm..... peaches.....

(TGINF) thank God it's not Friday

on friday i have to go to the doctor. i have to get my annual exam. holy heck people! it seems like i was just there. i cannot believe that last August was already a whole year ago.

and besides, haven't enough people already seen me down there in the last year? i mean i feel like in the last year i've been to the doctor enough to last me the rest of my life. also, i have to get my mom to take care of little j about two hours longer than usual which stinks. oh the joys of being a woman!

on a more pleasant note, two of my good college friends are coming for a short visit this weekend. it will be a nice change of pace from the ordinary, but i've really gotta clean my house!

tonight is ladies night out and we're going to PF Chang's. not exactly on my diet, but yummy. and i get to go out without the little girl. fun!

ode to a husband

for my darling booger who gave to me
the bestest weekend there ever could be...

you washed all the bottles and
paid all our bills
you folded our laundry and
let me just chill

you took care of little j
so i could catch up on work
you played with her and laughed with her
and made sure she didn't get hurt

you even gave me play time
to catch up on reading my blogs
and let me take a nap
so i would no longer be in a fog

you cleaned the kitchen floor
and gassed up my car
you picked up my dinner
so i wouldn't starve

you're the best i could ask for
and i'll love you 'til death
you've earned so many points
i'll say thank you with every breath

i owe you booger! thank you!

if i won the lottery

the other day i was sitting in a restaurant waiting (and waiting and waiting i might add) for my club sandwich to go and a kind old lady struck up a conversation with me (she was waiting on her club sandwich too). as we talked she asked about what i did for a living and how the pay in a private school compared to the pay in a public school, etc. somehow during the conversation i mentioned that i was going to pick up my daughter and we got to talking about her. anyway, she told me that her grandkids lived in New York and that they attend a private school in Manhattan. she went on to say that one of her kids pays $19,000 a year for their son to go to a private kindergarten. nineteen THOUSAND dollars per year. WHAT pray tell does a 5 year old need with a $19,000/year education?! i just can't understand. someone shed some light.

now, i'm all for children getting a good education. and i'm certainly not against private schools either (for pete's sake i teach in one), but i just don't quite understand the need to pay that much for a five year old to go to school. i also realize that i'm from a silly little southern town when compared with Manhattan so i know that private schools there are surely more expensive. but gosh people! $19,000 is A LOT of money. that's more than my husband and i combined paid for our 9.5 years of college education. i wonder how much that kid's halloween costume will cost this year?

this all brings me to another point. i got a brochure in the mail last week for a (chain) children's music program. my first reaction was, "are you kidding? they're already sending us advertisements for music classes and little j is not even five months old?!" i read the information and it turns out that they do offer classes for "lap babies". i also remembered back to when my sister forwarded me an email not too long ago for a baby yoga class. the more and more i thought about it the more the little voices inside my head started going, "oh my goodness! what if she's way behind all the other babies?! what if everyone else has their kid signed up for a class like these!? or worse yet, what if they're signed up for more than one?! OR WHAT IF they've completed classes and are already moving on! i've gotta enroll right now!" (please don't read me wrong. i think music is important too and i know that it's helpful to start young. that's just not my point.)

once i took a deep breath and realized what i had been thinking for all of two minutes i chuckled out loud. it's a trap i tell ya! all of these people just making loads of dough on the naivety of new parents and the immense amount of love they feel for their children. they feel guilt that they haven't helped them succeed at everything. moms especially get stressed out that they've missed the boat or that they're failing their child by letting them fall behind, but it's all in vain. in my heart i know that the best i can do for my daughter is love her, support her, cherish her, provide necessities for her, and not neglect her but i do still get caught up in the hipe.

i've always said that i want to do the best i can for my family. i never want to be one who tries to "keep up with the Joneses" always wanting bigger and better. i've also always said that if i became rich i would of course give a lot of money to the church and other charities, but the money i would spend on myself would not be on a new house, car, or clothes. it would be on trips with my family.

(and just maybe a lot of chocolate)

the awakening

i HATE my closet. no, hate is a strong word (my mom taught me that). but i’m SO not friends with my closet anymore. let me tell you why.

i’ve decided that i have to wear two outfits every day. since i’m bound and determined to take a shower before the kiddo wakes up every morning i was having to change clothes after the shower and then again later before i left for work (due to the spit up spray i was sure to get between getting little j up and leaving the house for work four hours later). i would have on one work appropriate outfit and then have to search high and low for another one that a) was clean enough to wear to work and b) one that fit my post-baby body. that was getting to be a very difficult challenge. now i’ve finally realized that i just need to throw on work out clothes after my shower [what?! you think i actually wear those to work out? at least this way i can get some use out of them!] and then change in to work clothes just before leaving the house. so far it’s the only solution that works, unless of course, i want to continue doing two loads of laundry A DAY! [you read right, i said two. loads. a. day.]

i know that all of this could easily be solved if i would lose about fifteen pounds and i promise i am working on it. my diet officially started on Wednesday. i confess i have already cheated once when those freshly baked chocolate chip cookies called out to me, tugged on my arm, and then jumped in my mouth at the faculty meeting the other day, but that’s not too incredibly bad. [yes, i know it’s only the third day and i’ve already cheated.]

but wait! in my defense, i am also back to having only 9.5 pounds to go to reach my pre-pregnancy weight. i think that even if i did reach that weight though, i would still have another five or ten pounds to lose before i could fit into most of my old clothes since my body is so different now. and besides all that, i want to lose about 20 more pounds after that.

i need this weight loss to boost my self-esteem. i need this weight loss to help with the little bouts of self-doubt that creep up in me all of the time now that i’ve had a baby. i need this weight loss to be healthy and happy. i need this weight loss to be able to care for my daughter. i need this weight loss to improve my relationship with my husband. but most of all i need this weight loss to be able to be friends with my closet again.

random musings

big j rushed home from a big thing at work last night to help put little j to bed and wash bottles and dishes. sometimes i am so in love with him that i think i could explode. he can be so dedicated when he wants to be and i feel bad that he has to work so hard all of the time. i wish that he could have some time off to catch up too.

i can’t get into a routine with work yet and it’s driving me crazy. i spend my mornings walking around the house doing random bits and pieces of tidying up and rearranging. i set out the next outfit and burp cloth or pack up the diaper bag for the next outing. i never really get anything done because I’m so worried about having everything organized. i need to spend my mornings doing school work so that when i get home at night i don’t feel so overwhelmed by all that i have to do (i’m sure that would help me sleep better), but i just can’t help it. during any one of little j’s naps i feel like i have to be frantically running around doing house stuff and baby stuff and can’t ever focus on my work. i know that with time i will get into a groove and everything will be hunky dory but for now it is tough. any tips for me?

also, why is it that when you have a child your parents delight in the fact that their grandchild will once be a rebellious, smarty pants some day? is it not pathetic that we all find delight in people getting what they once dished out? and why do grandparents say things like, “i can’t wait until she turns around and wags her finger at her mom and says, ‘NO!’”

i don’t want her to learn how to talk! she’ll say things like, “mean mommy!” and “no night, night!” for now I am comfortable with “ohhhhhhhh ppppfffftttttt” and “aagggghhhhh ow whooo.” she’s growing up too fast!

by the way… what is up with those $99 infant halloween costumes? people really buy these? life is sad.

and furthermore, the fact that i haven’t been able to catch up on my blog reading since what seems like the dawn of man (two weeks ago when I started back to work) is unnecessarily adding to my inappropriate stress level and causing me to break out with small red bumps all over my back, feet, and hands. [i’m totally kidding about that last part, but seriously. i. am. almost. going. through. withdrawal. from the lack of quality internet time.] now i must get some work done.

round and round we go

i would like to read a book. a book with more than 10 pages. a book with big words and no illustrations. (i slept great last night by the way, despite taking forever to fall asleep because of all of the snot draining in my head causing me to be unable to breathe at times. that's a pleasant thought.) anyway, now my wish is to just read. if i could just have one day where i could read and read i would be oh so happy. maybe that chance will come... one day...

so today is the first day of school. all the kiddies will want to see pictures of little j so i have to get those together. i also want to post some of the latest but instead i feel like crap so i am going to do just what i have to to get by today and then maybe this weekend will bring brighter days.

you see, it's not that i hate school. it's just that going back to work (and actually being ready to work) when you have a baby to care for too requires so much organization. so much organization that my type-A personality and my attention-to-detail brain are freaking out right about now. freaking out to the point of meltdown daily. my husband is sick of hearing about it and time never slows down. so we keep barreling on.

oh and i promised i would start back on my diet today. ugh. dieting and being sick don't go well together, but i promised. at least i had a nice piece of blueberry pound cake last night for a final fling.

and so another round of life begins.

pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top

Dear Sleep Fairy,
Please come visit me tonight and grant me the best sleep EVER. I really, really NEED it and I would be forever grateful. You see I'm just still not feeling so well and tomorrow is my first day of school. I am learning how hard it is to be a mom and have a job where you still have to come home to work at night. If you would be so kind as to give me eight hours of precious *dreamy* sleep I would be happy to do one or all of the following for you:

• wash your wings
• polish your wand
• give you a manicure
• maybe even name my next child after you

Sincerely,

Overtired and Exhausted

i'm having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day*

i think i'll move to Australia. maybe in Australia people actually get things done on time. maybe they don't stress out about everything. maybe their babies don't spit up EVERY SINGLE THING THEY EAT! maybe in Australia they actually get to eat lunch and dinner sitting down and not inhaling it at break-neck speed. i'm sure that in Australia people aren't so uptight that they practically cry every time they get overwhelmed. maybe in Australia school doesn't start until the teachers are ready. and maybe, just maybe, they don't have open house. send me your frequent flier miles if you have any because Australia sounds pretty good to me.

*you should read this book

a new first and other random thoughts

i've experienced a new first. i started developing what i think is just a cold or an ear infection this weekend and that's the first time i've been sick with a baby. no extra sleep, no calling in sick, no additional rest. it's fun being a mom. plus i am getting really bogged down with school stuff to do and only two days to do it in. agh.

anyway, i had this conversation with my little one this morning...

"mommy doesn't want to go to work."

"oooooooohhhhhhh...ieeeeeeeee.....ieeeEEEEEE!"

"mommy doesn't feel good."

"aaaahhhhhhhh....bbbbbuuuhhhhhh"

"shh. mommy's head hurts."

"EEEEEE!"

"why thank you."

"uh... uh... uh... uh... pppffffftttt"

"don't you want to lay here with mommy?"

"puh... puh... puh." [kick, kick, kick and wiggle to get away.]

and every time i blow my nose she gets the funniest expression on her face. her eyes open up wide and she cranes her neck to see me because she can't figure out why i'm making such funny noises. she is also enjoying grabbing at my nose and trying to squish the snot out of it.

i switched her to 6 - 9 month clothes (and left a few of the big 3 - 6 month ones) this weekend. and she's not quite 5 months old yet! if only she wasn't such a porker!

this week i'm all about convenience. we're trying the Lowe's Food To Go program. it's where you order your groceries online and then pay a small convenience charge to have them ready for you to go pick up at the time you designate. i'll let you know how it goes, but i'm definitely thinking that the "small convenience fee" will be worth the... well, convenience.

the curse of the blogger

i know that this is somewhat cliche in the blogging world, but i went through my day today with a full post composed in my head and now that i get to the computer it seems pointless and stupid. why in the world was i going to ramble on with various complaints about being a part-time employee? no one wants to read that. besides, i got it all out of my system without complaining about it on my blog so there's not need to ramble anymore.

furthermore, is this what blogging does to people? it makes us constantly "write" and "re-write" posts in ours heads all day long. it's almost all-consuming. a subconscious thought that takes up permanent residence in our brains. huh. sounds kinda like being a first time mom. (but at least i'm not to the point where i have a bunch of unfinished posts saved as drafts.)

regulators!!! mount up!

it was a clear black night, a clear white moon
Warren g was on the streets, trying to consume
Some skirts for the eve, so i can get some funk
Just rollin in my ride, chillin all alone

do you feel like you're back in 1996? ten years ago i was about to head off for college as a recent graduate of "Society Hill." i don't really remember what it felt like. i'd imagine i was excited, scared, and anxious all at the same time.

in a couple of months i have my ten year high school reunion. ten years! can you believe it? well, of course you can because it's what i'm telling you now, but for me at least it seems like...well...a decade ago that i was in high school complaining about not having enough time for class change and hanging out at Pizza Hut after football games.

but back to the reunion - i'm sure i will be excited, scared, and anxious all at the same time about going to the actual event, but anyway it'll be fun to see all my peeps (even the ones i thought were shady back in the day). and score! afterwards maybe we can come back to my house and watch Alicia Silverstone in Clueless! she was the bomb! and if you diagree with me... well... just don't go there!

ok done with the corny lines. i promise.

the only 5 year old on the block

well i bought this on tax free weekend since it was only $7.99 and little J sleeps in one every single night (so we need at least 3 right?). she was extra-long at birth (22 3/8 inches) and the 9 month one she sleeps in now is already too short. so i bought a 12-18 months size. it came in the mail today and i'll admit it's a little long looking. i was showing it to my husband when he promptly replied sarcastically, "great. now our kid's going to be the only five year old on the block still sleeping in a sack."

life has suddenly gotten overwhleming

i don't want this to be a post about how much i have to do item by item although that is extremely tempting to write about. let's just say i have bunches and bunches to do and it hit me all at once today with a big 'ol headache to boot. i cried on my way home just thinking about how i'm going to manage to get everything done (and it's only my third day back at work). at least little J is helping me out and taking a long nap now. soooooooo i'd better get off to work instead of letting the internet suck me in. [IT'S LIKE A DRUG I TELL YA!!] anyway, send some of your extra time my way if you would be so kind (oh come on! you know you can spare a little!) because at this rate i don't know how i'm ever going to be ready for those 7th graders when they walk in my room next Wednesday!

"where wonderful meals come true"

<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">tonight my mom, sister, and i signed up for </span><a href="http://www.dreamdinners.com"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">dreamdinners.com</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">. it's one of those new places sweeping the nation where you go and prep meals for you to take home and freeze. i am SO excited! this has got to be God's gift for new mothers! 3 meals for 4 - 6 people already prepared and ready to pop into the oven for just fifty bucks. and you wanna know the best part? my sister is living with us for now so i get to partake in her three meals as well! yipee! </span>

"where wonderful meals come true"

tonight my mom, sister, and i signed up for dreamdinners.com. it's one of those new places sweeping the nation where you go and prep meals for you to take home and freeze. i am SO excited! this has got to be God's gift for new mothers! 3 meals for 4 - 6 people already prepared and ready to pop into the oven for just fifty bucks. and you wanna know the best part? my sister is living with us for now so i get to partake in her three meals as well! yipee!

if this is it

if this is it
please let me know
if this ain't love you'd better let me know
if this is it
i want to know
if this ain't love baby, just say so

i absolutely have the cutest baby IN THE WORLD. i am in LOVE with her. she has been really happy tonight (although she's getting tired earlier and earlier, she has still been really happy). she's been eating bananas the past few days and she really likes them. she started fussing for more tonight when the jar was empty. anyway, there's no baby cuter (even my co-worker saw a picture of her and said so, and i believe her). i thought i knew love before she came along, but man oh man i never knew a love like this. *smile*

gotta go back, back to school again*

i am so happy to read and i couldn't agree more with Beth today as she posted, "Having a baby is a huge, life-altering, universe-shaking thing. Everybody knows that, but until you have done it yourself you probably don't understand the degree to which it reshapes every aspect of your existence, at least early on. Sooner or later, you will be ready to take a step back for a minute, take a deep breath, focus on other things. Sooner or later you will be desperate to have a conversation about anything at all that has nothing to do with babies, teething, poop, flinging rice cereal, etc."

the "sooner or later" part is what really gets me excited. i am currently in the "baby obsessed" period. my daughter is all i think about, all i talk about, and all i dream about. i was certainly not thrilled about going back to work today, but i managed and my baby is just fine (just like you all told me she would be). in fact, she really didn't even know that i was gone. i dread the day when she cries when i leave her (but that's something for another day).

she is now officially sitting up without assistance for extended periods of time. (i know, i know, everyone told me that they change overnight, but i thought that was just an expression.) i have literally seen changes in her since yesterday! of course i hate to think of what i will miss while i'm away from her, but it also brings me joy to think that it will be my parents who get to witness her growing and changing. i am so blessed to have them available to keep her. i also know that going back to work is what i ultimately want anyway. it's still just hard.

*lyrics from Grease II

i think i could die

i feel like part of my body is being chopped off. my stomach has literally been in knots all afternoon and evening. i know that it is just anxiety about going back to work tomorrow, but i don't know what i can do about it. i will be fine after i get home and tomorrow night, but until then i will just have to deal with these nerves. (plus i'll call every hour tomorrow to check on my little girl.)

ahhhhh, bliss

my dear hubby let me go to Target this morning. ALL BY MYSELF. yes i spent over $300, but I don't care (you read right. i did say three. hundred. dollars.). but let me defend myself. i bought a large gift for a baby shower and about $150 in baby diapers (omg tax-FREE) and formula. it was pure bliss. no baby to worry about getting crabby or spitting up and no time schedule to keep. thank you my darling, dear hubby. ahhhh, the little things in life...

so in other news, a couple of friends of ours just got their adopted baby from China home and i've been thinking a lot about them as they've sent many email updates and pictures lately. their story is a long one involving the loss of their sons, etc., etc. i've also been reading many infertiles' blogs lately and i just keep realizing over and over again how blessed i am to have my daughter. she truly is a miracle and i am so lucky. i cannot imagine loving anything or anyone more. thanks for all of the reminders. help me to never take her for granted.
oh, oh, oh i gotta go! they're re-running project runway!

hooray for jules!

little J is a rolling machine. almost three weeks ago she rolled from tummy to back for the first time. she's done it occasionally since then, but not regularly.
well, this morning we were playing in the floor and i rolled her to her belly and she immediately rolled back over. so i ooohhhhed and aaaahhhhhhed and clapped and screamed woo woo and promptly flipped her back over. she looked at me like, "dang it, woman! i don't want to be on my belly!" and she rolled right back over. we repeated this about five or six times in a row. she was all, "i've been trying to tell you that I DON'T LIKE BEING ON MY TUMMY, MOM!" so she finally started fussing a little, but me... oh i was just on cloud nine.

i've got more markers than you!

i love, love, love tax free weekend. i hate the crowds though so i think i am going online shopping this weekend. i figure that the tax-freeness will counter-balance the shipping fees. plus, now that i have a daughter i can totally go ahead and start getting her ready for school. it's never too early to start encouraging her to love school. :)

besides my mom has taught me how to love school supplies. in fact, we have such a deep love for it that we hoard all kinds of these and these and these. one of my favorite times of the year is the back-to-school shopping time and this year is no exception. that is probably one of the reasons i am a teacher. you get to buy lots of cool stuff every august.

north carolina and tax-free purchases are awesome. for more information on the tax free weekend click here. and oh my goodness! i almost wet my pants when i saw that diapers were included!

normal schmormal

i keep having to realize the same thing over and over again. that life will never be the same as it was before the baby. things you never think about take on a whole new difficulty level once you have a child.

for example, yesterday i gave blood while my sister kept little J. i gave regularly before i got pregnant. well when i went yesterday i did what i usually do and signed up for my next appointment before i left. when i went to write down the date and time i started trying to come up with a "good" date and time to donate again. i was trying to figure out if it would be easier to do it on my way home from work or on my way to work or on the weekends or what and i got to thinking... when does one with an infant do "normal" things like give blood? i mean, where does little J sit while they're pumping the stuff out of my arm for ten minutes?

so anyway, i guess i just keep redefining "normal" now. it's certainly not a bad thing and i wouldn't trade how it is now for the world, but it sure is a different "normal".

please don't squeeze the julianna

so my friend sent me this website. basically it just takes a word of your choice and inserts it in the middle of some advertising slogan. i tried lots of people's names and it gave me dumb slogans and i wasn't very impressed.
then i tried little J's. it came up with "please don't squeeze the julianna." too funny.

judgement day

one of the hardest things about being a mother (after you get over the loneliness and despression that results from being in the house ALL the time) is the feeling that people are always judging you. i feel like people judge me because i let my daughter cry for ten minutes before picking her up or because i quit breastfeeding at 3 months or because i don't take her out of the car seat when she's crying or because i am the bedtime nazi or ... the list goes on.

it is still really hard to go to a restaurant without feeling judged. if she fusses even the slightest bit i feel like people are staring and i guess that's because people without children really have no clue. i admit that i didn't before i had her. like most of us i used to think, "when i have a kid she's not gonna _________ (fill in the blank with whatever you choose)."

but little J is almost 4 1/2 months old. do you ever get over that feeling of being judged for your parenting decisions?

where, oh where has my ice cream all gone?

<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">to my hips, that's where. i have got. to. stop. i swore i'd lose all of this baby weight by the time school started and here it is with a half a week to go and i'm still 12 pounds away from my pre-baby weight. i've made it to 9 pounds away twice now but i just can't seem to do it. maybe once i actually have to start finding professional clothes to wear again every day i will be a little more inclined to put down the ice cream bowl. instead i'll just spend the next four days in my usual spit-up stained t-shirts and savoring those last few bites.</span>

mom, i can do this myself!

yesterday i got my first sign of little miss independent.


but OW! this spoon hurts!

where, oh where has my ice cream all gone?

to my hips, that's where. i have got. to. stop. i swore i'd lose all of this baby weight by the time school started and here it is with a half a week to go and i'm still 12 pounds away from my pre-baby weight. i've made it to 9 pounds away twice now but i just can't seem to do it. maybe once i actually have to start finding professional clothes to wear again every day i will be a little more inclined to put down the ice cream bowl. instead i'll just spend the next four days in my usual spit-up stained t-shirts and savoring those last few bites.

how do they do it?

i don't know how single parents do it. that is the one statement that i have made repeatedly since little J was born. i mean, that has got to be one of the hardest, if not the hardest job EVER.

yesterday, big J came home from work early with a cold. he immediately got in bed and tried to stay away from the baby. now, i completely understood the situation and would of course do the same if the roles were reversed, but that doesn't stop me from complaining.

it's just hard to do all of the evening routine by myself especially after doing it the majority of the day by myself. and we only have one child. i can't imagine life with a toddler too. but i know that ultimately you find a way to do what you have to do. we made it just fine after all and J is feeling better today.

confessions

i have a confession to make. although it's not really a confession because anyone who knows me really already knows this but nevertheless i'm addicted to the Food Network. channel 67, that's it. all day long. it stays on pretty much any time the Today Show isn't on, but the TV is.

anyway, i was just folding laundry and watching a re-run episode of Boy Meets Grill and i got to thinking about how it's too hot to cook. i mean goodness golly it's almost a hundred degrees here today! lucky for me my lovely sister cleaned up my kitchen last night. wasn't that sweet of her?! i have leftover hamburger helper (yes, i said hamburger helper) for lunch and i won't have to touch the stove all afternoon (that is until i take a meal to friends who just had a baby this evening). now, back to Food Network...