the awakening

i HATE my closet. no, hate is a strong word (my mom taught me that). but i’m SO not friends with my closet anymore. let me tell you why.

i’ve decided that i have to wear two outfits every day. since i’m bound and determined to take a shower before the kiddo wakes up every morning i was having to change clothes after the shower and then again later before i left for work (due to the spit up spray i was sure to get between getting little j up and leaving the house for work four hours later). i would have on one work appropriate outfit and then have to search high and low for another one that a) was clean enough to wear to work and b) one that fit my post-baby body. that was getting to be a very difficult challenge. now i’ve finally realized that i just need to throw on work out clothes after my shower [what?! you think i actually wear those to work out? at least this way i can get some use out of them!] and then change in to work clothes just before leaving the house. so far it’s the only solution that works, unless of course, i want to continue doing two loads of laundry A DAY! [you read right, i said two. loads. a. day.]

i know that all of this could easily be solved if i would lose about fifteen pounds and i promise i am working on it. my diet officially started on Wednesday. i confess i have already cheated once when those freshly baked chocolate chip cookies called out to me, tugged on my arm, and then jumped in my mouth at the faculty meeting the other day, but that’s not too incredibly bad. [yes, i know it’s only the third day and i’ve already cheated.]

but wait! in my defense, i am also back to having only 9.5 pounds to go to reach my pre-pregnancy weight. i think that even if i did reach that weight though, i would still have another five or ten pounds to lose before i could fit into most of my old clothes since my body is so different now. and besides all that, i want to lose about 20 more pounds after that.

i need this weight loss to boost my self-esteem. i need this weight loss to help with the little bouts of self-doubt that creep up in me all of the time now that i’ve had a baby. i need this weight loss to be healthy and happy. i need this weight loss to be able to care for my daughter. i need this weight loss to improve my relationship with my husband. but most of all i need this weight loss to be able to be friends with my closet again.