a quick letter

Dear Julianna,

I'm writing you because I have some things I want to tell you. If I told you these few things that I've been thinking about you'd likely just roll your eyes. My words would probably fall on deaf ears because you're at the age where you're starting to realize mom and dad don't always know everything. You're beginning to believe that you might know a bit more about some things than we do and I know that'd only going to get worse as you get to be a teenager. At any rate, I want to tell you a few things I've learned.

I've learned that when you're 35 or 36 or 37 your worth doesn't come from other people. Your worth comes from yourself. No one can say how good you are or how worthless you are except you. Don't let other people determine how you feel about yourself. There's a reason God made you just the way you are and remember that He doesn't make mistakes.

I've learned that the best thing you can do in life is just be kind to people. Love others just the way you would want to be loved. You'll be amazed at how much easier it makes all of your relationships. If other people see that you are just plain kind, they'll want to be near you.

I've learned that confidence is worth a million bucks and a million bucks is a LOT. If you don't think you can hit a home run then you probably won't, but somehow if you begin to believe that you can run a marathon then you can. It might be natural to think that you can't do some things as well as others, but fight the urge to believe that. Believe in yourself and you can do whatever you want.

I've learned that it may seem like one of the most important things in life is to have a lot of friends, but it's not. Being popular doesn't guarantee happiness. The most important relationships are the ones that are honest and true. Just be the best you that you can be and your relationships will happen naturally.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

I certainly don't know everything, Jules, but I do know these things. Your 35-year-old self will look back on your almost-9-year-old self and wish you had known that your worth comes from you, that kindness is valuable, that having confidence is key, and popularity is not. I pray that God helps you grown and learn and that you become all that He made you to be.

Love you, Doodlebug!
Mama

five

On the day of Josh's birthday party (which wasn't on his birthday) he came to me and put his hand on his hip and demanded, "Why didn't you put balloons on my door this morning, Mom?!"

I had to just look at him and tell him with a straight face that there were still four more days of being four and maybe he would have balloons when he woke up on his actual birthday (per usual tradition in our house).

-----

We had his party on Sunday and he had an incredible time playing with all of the kids who showed up. We had new friends from school, old friends from school, cousins, and kids of cousins. They ran around spraying silly web blaster at each other and played ball in the yard. Then we had pinata fun, cake, and presents.

-----

It turns out that for Josh, five is...

• growing tall
• a passionate story-teller (especially Biblical stories and stories about Mario and Yoshi)
• stinky feet
• hungry for a snack ALL. THE. TIME.
• "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Ma'am"
• whiney when tired
• excellent at keeping time to music
• lazy when it comes to undressing and bathing
• a good sight word reader
• a limit pusher
• less bashful
• a super mommy-smoocher

-----

Happy birthday, Buddy! You're an amazing big cousin and a hilarious little brother. Your non-stop chatter may tire us at times but there's not a day that we'd wish to have without you. You help me remember why life is so good. Keep on bringing the happiness, Stinkbug!

a letter for the end of second grade

Dear Julianna,

You're eight years old and it seems like you're both 18 months and 18 years at the same time. You're 4'6" tall and you wear mostly size 10 clothes. It won't be long before you're as tall as I am.

You're about to finish up your second grade year and to say it has been a good one would be a bit of an understatement. You've had a phenomenal school year. You've gotten all 4's and all S's on your report cards.  You've taken gymnastics and played softball. You wear glasses during school all the time now since your vision has gotten so much worse. I'm not afraid to tell you that we expected that to happen since you inherited both your dad and my poor vision.

You're asking for more and more independence. For instance, you like to ride your bike down the street and visit the neighbors on your own. You will often approach the counter by yourself in a restaurant and ask for whatever it is you need.  You make phone calls on your own occasionally.  Sometimes you now write "Julie" at the top of your school papers.

You hate to have your picture taken but you love a chance to dress up and wear lip gloss. You love to sing but you're self-conscious of your voice. You have mood swings and sometimes give us the silent treatment for a bit.  You still have a sweet tooth.  You may have a touch of asthma and have been on and off with a daily inhaler while we try to figure it out. It's nothing that bothers you at all but we want to make sure that if you get sick then you can get well again as quickly as the rest of us.

The way that you've seized and taken ownership of softball and developed a love for something you're pretty darn good at has made me extremely proud. I see a few of the other girls pout when they strike out and you rarely do that. You know there will be another chance at bat and you know that it's likely you'll have a good hit.  I'm so impressed with your attitude on the field.

While you've come to really enjoy sports this year, you're also learning to knit, make friendship bracelets, make loom bracelets and braid hair. You have changed your favorite color to pink and you love to have your nails painted.

I do wish that eager and enthusiastic attitude would sometimes transfer over at home though. You often bully your little brother. You tell him that mom's inside calling him just to get him to leave you alone for a minute. I can't say that I don't understand or greatly empathize because I've definitely been there. Little siblings can be so annoying. I just wish you would take the high road a bit more often. Stop racing him to be first at EVERYTHING. We know you'll win. You're almost four years older than he is. Stop telling him he's always wrong. You naturally know more than he does. You're almost four years older than he is. Do more of the, "Can I show you how to...?" and "Do you want me to help you...?"  That's what we hope and expect of you, Big Sister.

So while it seems like just last week that we were standing in Nanna and Pap's driveway when you looked up at the crows and said, "CAWWW, CAAWWW!" for the first time, I know it wasn't. It's been eight years and before we know it, that day will have passed decades ago but I'm enjoying this time with you. You've brought tons of smiles to my face and happiness to my heart. I'm so proud of your second grade year. I'm so honored to be such a sweet girl's mom.

Love you bunches, Doodlebug!

Mama

a letter for the end of the year

Dear Julianna,

You're about to finish your first grade school year and for whatever reason I can't get that off my mind.  I wanted to take just a minute to let you know what I've been thinking about since we've hardly have the time to "really talk" when we're at home lately. 

I'm amazed at the good things that have happened to you this year. 

You were recognized by your teacher because you can do all of the basic addition facts in three seconds or less.  You tried and worked hard at basketball for the first time.  You sometimes read a chapter book with over a hundred pages in one evening.  You ran three miles straight for the first time just the other day and this past weekend you completed in a scary (but FUN) Mud Run obstacle race.  Your classmates often want you on their team when they're playing trivia classroom games because you seem to know a lot of the answers.

There's also been some... I don't want to say bad, but rather, frustrating things that have happened to you this year.  You've reached out for attention in unusual ways over the past several months.  There's nothing wrong with that at all.  It's completely normal for a seven year old to be experimenting with new and different ways to get attention and it's no wonder that you have with all the attention-getting your brother does around our house. 

I'm really, really, really working on walking away when I feel my temper get out of control because of something you've said or done.  I don't always succeed in cooling off before I yell, but I'm trying.  I need your help too.  We both need to slow down and concentrate on being more patient and especially on being kinder to one another.

I don't want to dwell on the things that have happened but I do want to make sure that I express clearly and adequately that your Dad and I love you very much and we want to give you everything you need.  It's impossible for us to give you everything you want and I'm sorry that we haven't given you all the attention you've wanted this year. 

But we will go to great lengths to give you what you need.  If that means more time rough-housing with you so be it.  If that means more reading together then by all means let's go to the library.  If that means more joke telling and more movie watching together then I'm game.  Your dad and I will climb mountains to give you what you need. 

We love you, Doodlebug.  I know we say it all the time, but I hope you really hear it: We're so stinkin' proud of you.  No matter how frustrating life gets, we'll always be thrilled you're our daughter.
 
Love,
Mama

seven years

Dear Julianna,

Yesterday you turned seven years old.  That’s like a whole year in dog years.  You’re practically ancient!

 

We celebrated your birthday by going to Fire and Sticks, which is your favorite restaurant since they cook the food right in front of you and since you get to order shrimp which you love.  You sat there completely self-sufficient, eating your salad with chopsticks like it was no big deal and I marveled at the fact that I used to spoon feed you and now you can do everything all by yourself.  When the cook threw the shrimp on the grill you were so excited you turned to me and said, “I just want to reach out there and grab one. They look so good!”

Over the last several days your dad has been reminiscing about how difficult it was to get you out of my belly and into the world, but when I remember your birth I remember it differently.  Mostly I just remember the first few months at home alone with you feeling tortured because I didn’t know how to calm you down or how to get you to sleep or eat enough to get rid of the jaundice and I felt like a prisoner in my new life as a mother of a newborn.  We both felt truly honored to be given the gift of being your parents and we immediately loved you beyond compare, but it was rough for me to adjust to being a mom.

The difference in life with you now is amazing.  For the most part you make your own decisions.  You get ready by yourself, you take care of your body by yourself, you entertain yourself, you take care of your own things, and we mostly just remind you of responsibilities.  It makes me sad in one respect because you don’t need me like you used to, but it’s such a breath of fresh air to be able to focus on me a lot of the time.  Thank you for letting me do that.

 

You eat almost anything and even if it’s not your favorite thing in the world, it pleases me so much that you’ll try a few bites without complaint.  You proudly tell people that you’re the second tallest girl in your class and the tallest girl is only about a centimeter taller.  You read on a 3^rd grade level and consistently get perfect report cards.  You also told the dentist the other day that you’re the second smartest in your class.  I guess you have your mother’s tact.  We’ll work on that.  Until then you just keep doing your multiplication facts, girl.

Jules, you get more aggravated with your brother than I do (which is certainly saying a lot).  You are meaner to him than you are to anyone else (at least that I know of) and sometimes it breaks my heart.  Other times I just think about how much he deserves it.  Kidding.  Sort of.

You desperately want to be able to invent a real joke and make Daddy and I laugh.  Surprisingly sometimes you really can.  Other times instinct tells you that we’ve just laughed to be polite and you run off only to try again ten minutes later.  I admire your resilience and I truly dread the day one of your classmates is cruel enough to really hurt your feelings badly.

When you got your ears pierced earlier this year it didn’t surprise me one bit how brave you were.  You’ve always been a tough girl and only barely flinched when you’ve gotten shots or taken a bad fall.  That experience was no different and I was beaming with pride.  Plus, you just look so beautiful with those aquamarine birthstones shining in your ears.

You’re learning about girly things which both terrifies me because I know I’ll have to guide you and also tickles me to death because I can relate.  You’ve asked us about girls having babies, you’ve told us about boys that “like” you, you just had a “spa” birthday party, and you’ve asked for your first friend sleepover.

It’s exciting to witness your growth, Julianna.  It’s exciting because it’s different experiences than my own so I get to do it all over again through you.  And it’s a lot more fun this time around.  Thank you for letting me share all of this with you.  Thank you for being a great kid.

I love you to pieces.

Love,

Mama

thirty six months

My little Buddy,

Your big day is here!  You're three years old!  I hope it doesn't seem like a let down since we already celebrated with family yesterday.  You had a lot of fun.  I know you won't be able to remember your 3 year party when you're older but I sure hope that I can remember your excited little face when you opened a couple of your presents or when you watched us put that cupcake on your plate.

Your birth was a storybook birth.  It couldn't have gone better except for the meconium that kept you in the NICU with junk in your lungs.  It turned out to be a blessing though because Daddy and I got special time with you all to ourselves right from the get-go. 

We've had a good three years, Josh.  You've changed so much since you were that little butterball at birth but yet not a lot from your two year birthday and as you get older the changes will only become less and less noticable. 

But in three short years you've certainly changed us, Buddy.  You're teaching your sister how to love others even when it's hard.  You're teaching your mom and dad to be patient even when it's impossible.  You're teaching me not to scream even when I desparately want to act like a toddler.  We're a more incredible family because of you.

Some things you've said this month that I want us to remember include, "I want my monkey with the tail like my name" (referring to the curled tail as a J) and "When I get bigger I'm going to marry my sister Jules" (coming off the heels of mommy and daddy's anniversary you've been very concerned with who you will marry). 

You've become quite the praise singer and will often be quietly singing "Bless the Lord oh my soul, ohhh-hhhh my soul..." while you play.  You also still like to sing Call Me Maybe and Zac Brown songs, but you always come back to praise songs "My God's not dead, He's surely alive!" or one of the Gaither's songs from Gaither's Pond (one of your absolute favorite things to watch).

 

You can recognize some letters but really have no desire or patience to learn more. One day you looked at a bag Julianna had in the car and you told me, "Jules has a bag with my J-O-S-H name on it!"  You do love to write and color though I suspect it will be a while longer before you can write your name.

When you were younger you used to love to carry around a spoon everywhere you went.  Now it's more of the desire to carry various little treasures with you wherever you go.  If you have a pocket you want something in it; it doesn't matter if it's an eraser, a small toy, a rock or a stick.  It thrills you to have a pocket in your shirt too "like Daddy."

So starved for attention you will lap it up like an eager puppy whenever it's offered.  I took ten minutes out of cooking dinner the other night to simply play "hunting" with you and a couple of Nerf guns.  We were sneaking around corners like they were trees all through the house.  We spotted birds, deer, and even monkeys.  You were so excited someone was playing with you that I actually thought you might wet your pants.  When I asked you exclaimed, "No! I don't need to potty! There's a orange yellow reindeer!!!"

Your 24 month pants are finally high waters and at three years old we've officially retired anything 24 months or smaller. You've grown almost an inch in the last three months and even though you're still shorter than your cousin who is six months younger than you, you are definitely growing quickly.

You love to ride your bike but with the cooler temperatures and earlier darkness it's hard to squeeze in after dinner like we used to.

You can go to the bathroom almost completely by yourself and you (pretend) read lots of books, but you've gone back to wanting someone to feed you at every meal.  You'll sit there all the live-long day if no one will spoon your food in your mouth and no amount of Big Boy Talk can convince you to eat.  I suppose part of you really wants to remain my baby.  And while it's inconvenient, I'll take it.  It won't be too much longer before you'll be embarrased by your ol' Mama.

I hope you enjoy your birthday today, Joshy. Milk the heck out of it just like I know you will!

Love you bunches,
Mama

thirty five months

Dear Joshua,
Right now you are upstairs talking yourself through nap time.  A very common occurrence these days.  You can talk more than anyone I know.  And that includes your grandfather which will amaze anyone who knows him.

I will look back on this month and remember it as the month you learned to pick your nose.  And Announce. It. To. Us.  Ugh!  Not sure what we can do to stop this behavior, but stop it already! It's so disgusting to be driving down the road and hear you say, "Mom, I like to get boogers out of my nose!" You also have started talking a lot about poop and pee and we've had to discuss "potty talk" and discourage use of these kinds of words so frequently that we've even talked about making you go stand in the bathroom when you say them.  It hasn't gotten to that point yet, but if something doesn't change soon then we may not see you much of your thirty-fifth month because you'll be spending it in the bathroom!

not napping makes it hard to stay awake at Target

Starting back to school this month was a little more rough than I anticipated.  Of course, you're fine now but for some reason at first you cried a lot at drop off.  We talked to you on many different occasions about being a big boy and not crying because we always come back to get you.  Then it became incredibly impressive to watch you recognize your sadness about leaving us and even pooch out your bottom lip a bit but then calmly walk on and tell us goodbye normally.  You are growing up so fast.

You've learned the Pledge of Allegiance, the days of the week and most of the months of the year.  You've started "pretend reading" books and actually telling the stories that are in the pictures.

We took you camping last month and you got to pee in the bushes.  This was intriguing to you and because we've never really encouraged you to use the bathroom outside you had a great deal of stage fright about it at first.  Eventually you got it and you've mentioned it a couple of times since.  Then this week your preschool teacher had you in the carpool line waiting to pick up the girls and you had to pee so apparently she let you go right in the bushes outside of the car because the school hadn't dismissed yet and the car was trapped in line.  When I picked you up that afternoon you exclaimed, "Mama, I got to pee in the bushes!"  I know you're going to read this years from now and wonder why it was such a big deal to me that you can pee outside, but I've never wanted one of those little boys that will pull down his fly and just pee off the side of the deck so I've tried not to expose you to that possibility. But then when you're finally the parent of a two year old and you experience a visit to every restroom in every retail outlet in your town at every inopportune moment possible you'll understand why it's nice to have a boy.

You've gone through a little bit of a growth spurt recently. You grew 3/8ths of an inch in a month and your 24 month pants are finally too short.

You're still a picky eater and of course you love sweets.  You like to steal your sister's gummy vitamin in the morning while she's not looking despite the fact that you've already inhaled your own.

We're getting ready for the big party next month and we've asked you what you want on your cake.  You've told us Blue's Clues, including Steve and Joe, Spiderman, and pirates all in the span of fifteen minutes.  Such is a conversation with you these days.  We'll figure it out.  Until then, happy thirty-five months, Buddy. I love you!

Love,
Mama

thirty four months

Dear Joshua,

Yesterday you turned thirty four months old. I just read the letter I wrote to your sister when she turned thirty four months and the similarities are eerie.  It seems we're always saying, "Julianna didn't do this!" or "Julianna did ______ instead" so it surprises me a little bit to read how much you act like she did at this age.

You are all Spiderman all the time.  You have Spiderman pajamas and Spiderman underwear and you saw a little boy on his Spiderman bike the other day and you about flipped out.  You almost climbed out of the stroller just to make sure that I saw the bicycle he was riding.  I wish I had your enthusiasm sometimes.

Your desire to be independent is also very strong.  You can go to the bathroom all by yourself and you INSIST that the door be closed and no one in the bathroom with you.  I worry that you're sticking things in the toilet and playing where you shouldn't be but thankfully this hasn't happened yet and you just do your business and then come out grinning with pride.  The cute thing is that usually your shorts are pulled up halfway and twisted round so that your underwear is sticking half out of your pants, but you did it!



Over the last month you've really started to resist napping.  In fact, you skip nap altogether at least one or two days a week.  This week at the sitter's house you haven't napped at all and I'm hoping it's just because we're all adjusting to a new routine and that when Julianna goes back to school on Monday you'll find naps more appealing.  If you do sleep during the day though, you'll usually sleep about two hours.  (At this point Jules was only sleeping about an hour and a half for nap.)

You like to sing loudly just like Jules did at this age.  You soak up new words to songs so quickly.  If a song comes on that you don't know however, you often demand that we turn the radio off.  Sometimes you can be quite bossy and I have no idea where that personality trait came from (wink, wink).

Your sister said "sine" for "fine" and couldn't say French fries hardly at all.  You say your "Fs" well but you struggle sometimes with "Ss".  When you spell your name it sounds like J-O-etch-H.

Your daddy pointed out to me the other night that you're quite the collector and he's right.  You like to gather up as many Squinkies in your hands as you can and carry them around.  You also ask for any and every stuffed animal to be placed in your bed and if one is missing you act very sad.  You treasure certain Lego's on certain days and you'll hoard all of the little Lego swords one day and then the wheels the next.  You don't like that we won't let you take them out of sister's room.

Speaking of which, you've gotten a little temper this month and often you'll look at us and scream, "NO!" when we even suggest that you do something or don't do something that you don't like.  You wrinkle up your nose and scowl at us like we said the most absurd thing you'd ever heard.  You even stomp your little foot and jump up and down in anger.  It's quite amusing.

This summer you've taken a liking to using scissors.  You will cut an 8 1/2 by 11 sheet of paper into a gazillion pieces and then you'll beg to do your worksheets.  I love that you still love learning new things.

I'm going to miss spending so much time with you this school year, but it's also going to be nice to see you grow and thrive without so much dependence on me.  Happy thirty four months, Buddy.  In just two short months we'll be singing "Happy Birthday" to you and marveling over the fact that three years have flown by in the blink of an eye. 

Love,
Mama

thirty three months

Dear Joshua,

Oh boy!  You're thirty three months old as of yesterday.  Still keeping us busy and on our toes - always.

Some of your favorite things to do this month have included continuing to ask "Why?" about every single thing, drinking water from the slip-n-slide, learning to ride your bike with training wheels, mowing the grass with Daddy, and continuing to refuse nutrient rich food and beg for junk food.

Like the sugar crumbs leftover after eating a glazed doughnut:

You still willingly go take a nap.  Sometimes you'll even ask for one a few minutes before the usual time.  You almost always tell your sister kindly, "Goodnight, Julianna" without us even prompting and you eagerly give kisses before bedtime to anyone who asks.  I love that you don't fight us on this.

I also love that you're finally fully potty-trained.  We transitioned you to wearing underwear at night just as soon as school got out and you've only had two accidents in the last six weeks.  No more diapers in this house!

You like to be held and carried especially when we're standing around talking to other adults.  Or if there's another adult talking to you, you'll get behind our legs and act bashful or raise your arms up to us like a little bitty boy and ask to be picked up.  I'll continue to pick you up as long as you want me to, Buddy.

You've made some progress on swimming this month.  You'll jump in the pool all on your own now and there's no fear about whether or not there's an adult there ready to catch you.  You go under the water and come right back up kicking vigorously but you can't seem to make your body go forward in the water.  You don't even hesitate about going off the diving board.  It's certainly a great start.

With me being home all the time for summer you've gotten a little hesitant to go into your room at church or preschool classroom for camp without me.  Separation anxiety a bit I guess, but it's nothing we can't talk you into doing thank goodness.

On Saturday you fell off a slide at the playground.  Daddy was in line to sign your sister up for swim lessons and you were a few feet away playing with Jules.  Apparently you decided to go down the slide but then when you got to the top of the six foot ladder you changed your mind and tried to turn around and come back down the steps.  You slipped, rolled down and fell into the mulch, landing on your head.  You started crying immediately but calmed down after a few minutes.  You had an enormous knot on your head within minutes and even ice didn't help too much.  After talking with a nurse at the doctor's office we decided to take you to the ER.

So what's the deal, kid?  You're not even three and this is your second visit to the ER.  Your sister's halfway to seven and she hasn't been once.  I know I'm not supposed to compare my children, but come on kid! Can't you just be a little bit more like her in the accident area?!

Anyway, after a thorough inspection and examination in the ER by multiple doctors it was determined that you could have some ibuprofen and go home.  We were told to "keep an eye on you" and bring you back if there were changes such as vomiting, inability to wake up, etc.  [Good to know, Doc.  Thanks, but do you know Joshua?  Keeping an eye on him is about as effective as trying to wrestle an alligator with bare hands.  I'm just saying, he's all boy.]  I'm so glad you're okay, Josh.  I was really worried about you.

Joshua, you've learned a lot about God this month.  You talk about Him often.  I love hearing you sing "My God Is So Big, So Strong and So Mighty..."  I am so grateful to you teachers at church in the Peak and to the storytellers that tell you about the Bible.  You are always telling us that God made everything.  You love to ask us about something like a restaurant, car, whatever and say, "Who made that restaurant?" and no matter what we answer you'll reply, "No, God made it!"  On Saturday your Aunt Brittany said to you, "I love that blanket! Did somebody make that for you?" and you quickly answered, "Yes, God!"  

Perhaps the funniest thing that you've done this month that I want to make sure I remember happened today at lunch.  You spilled applesauce all down the front of your shirt and you SCREAMED out, "SHOOT FIRE!"  Made me grin from ear to ear.

Little Buddy, you're exhausting and charming at the same time.  You're tough and curious.  Sometimes I wish I was a little bit more like you.  I'm so proud to be your Mama.  Thanks for making life so much fun!

Love,
Mama