by the numbers

16 days until I go back to work
106 days until my next marathon
6.5 miles run today
100 miles run this month
180 dollars spent at the vet this month
10 days for the dealership to get the part and fix the recall on my car
588 miles run this year
1007.5 (half of 2015) miles pledged to run with my running partner
27 books read this year (goal of 40)
6 books read this month
2 cups of coffee I've had today
239 number of cups my sister probably needs after Jane's first night in her big girl room

then and now

Then

Now

reasons you should never marry a runner

My husband is a saint. When I started this running gig 3.5 years ago I never imagined that it would stick. I never imagined that I would run countless half marathons, 25k's, 30k's, and a few marathons. I never signed my husband up for all that either, but somehow we did it. This weekend he put in 24 hours of running/camping/running with me and thirteen other people. It's not something he would have signed up for on his own and I'm so thankful he came with me. We did a 24 hour relay called Black Mountain Monster and between ten people we ran almost 140 miles and came in second place in the 24 hour team division. I thought it was a lot of fun and I don't know what my husband would say but in honor of him tagging along with me I thought today I would give you my top reasons why you should never marry a runner.

Reasons Why You Should Never Marry a Runner

• They might consider pet and/or baby names based on where they ran their first marathon. Doesn't Raleigh sound like a cute little kitty (and/or little girl) name?

• They're too competitive, sometimes just with themselves and unfortunately sometimes in the plank challenge you do together. Right, booger?

• They can't drink or eat at strange places on Friday nights. Good thing my husband likes Jersey Mike's! We eat it every Friday night during marathon training.

• During peak training season they always go to bed early. Friday after work: "Goodnight, babe! See you Saturday afternoon!"

• You have to listen to them talk about poop entirely too much. This picture is one Jonathan actually saw on Instagram and tagged me in it.

• You'll do a lot of babysitting. I mean A LOT. I ran over 255 hours in 2014 and during that time my kids were either with my mom or my husband. That's a whole lot of Go Fish, folks.

• You'll feel a little bit guilty if you don't spend an occasional weekend morning standing on the side of the road holding a ridiculous sign.

• You'll have to research running routes and hotel gyms before every trip together. Like when we went to Mexico and I made Jonathan run ten miles on a treadmill.

• You'll have no other choice than putting up with their moods when they're injured or otherwise missing a run. When Jonathan looks at me and solemnly says, "You need to go for a run," that's when I know I must be in some kind of mood.

• They obsessively check the weather forecast on Fridays.

And the number one reason why you should never marry a runner is because

• they'll try to convert you and you'll find yourself signing up for 24 hour relays where you get no sleep, run twelve and a half miles or so, have to smell each other's tired and stinky feet, pack up a whole car load of stuff, drive two hours, feel like you're running through a scene of The Blair Witch Project, lay on the ground with ear plugs so you don't hear the crazy people talking and the trains going by, and then get up to go to work the next day.

And then they'll want you to do it again next year.

Anything you want to add? (Anyone except my husband may answer. Ha!)

dealing with depression and anxiety [part 3]

Alternate title: meme overload

This is the third and final part in a series of posts I've written on depression and anxiety. Part 1 from last week is here and Part 2 was published earlier in the week and can be found here. I'd love to have your input either in the comments or via email.

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I don't know everything. Not even close. I just want to talk about my experiences. The only things I really know about depression and anxiety I've had to figure out on my own. Since no one really talks about this like it's ordinary mental health, it's hard to share it with people without feeling like you're begging for attention or without feeling judged.

I first recognized I had some anxiety and depression issues outside of normalcy when I had a 4 month old baby. I had a really, really hard time adjusting to being at home all day putting someone else's needs above my own literally 24 hours a day (86,400 seconds).

My sister was in graduate school and lived with us during that time. My husband, mom and sister were a terrific support system for me with a newborn baby. They knew I was depressed before I knew. They cried with me, listened and talked with me.

As a first time mom with breastfeeding issues weighing me down, I was going crazy from the sleep deprivation, alienation from my ordinary life, and adjustment to all of the demands of caring for a child. I cried daily. I counted the hours until Jonathan came home from work. I hardly took care of myself.

After Julianna was about 5 or 6 months old things finally started getting better. I would say I was back to my normal self by the time she was 9 months.

I struggled for a little bit with trying to find a balance between being a mom and working or staying at home. I decided staying at home wasn't right for me and began looking for a teaching job again. I went through a sad time when I couldn't find the right job.

When we began planning on having another baby I became really anxious about dealing with PPD again. I was proactive enough to talk with my doctor and get on antidepressants when I became pregnant. When Josh was born I had a much, much, much easier time. Second baby, sure, but the meds helped too.  I felt ready to get off of them before he reached six months.

I got a full time teaching job before Josh was a year old.  I've dealt with parenting and working full-time over the last five years pretty well I would say. I've managed most of my emotions and stress with running. I haven't been on antidepressants at all. I've definitely had the usual roller-coaster periods but never been as sad as I was the past couple of weeks.

All of this being said, I would like to share the few things that have helped me.

Here are my tips for dealing with depression and anxiety for what they're worth:

1. Let your closest friends and family know that you're feeling down.

2. Make sure to get outside, sunshine or not, every day.

3. Make yourself run or do whatever other kind of exercise you typically like to participate in even though you don't feel like it.

4. Make a point to eat nutritious foods.

5. Read the Bible and think about what God has done for you.

6. Take a shower and get dressed in something other than sweatpants. Wear make-up and comb your hair.

7. Take a picture of something you're thankful for every day. Then flip back through them before you do to sleep.

8. Do all of these things even when you don't want to. Believe me: you're not going to want to but do them anyway.

9. Think about doing something kind for someone else. If you feel up to it then do it, but if not at least write it down so that you'll remember to do it later.

10. Make a conscious effort to rephrase what you say so that it sounds confident and positive. This is a hard one.

Leave a comment with the last thing you did but add "Like a Boss" to the end of it.

Any tips you want to add?

dealing with depression and anxiety [part 2]

Continued from a post I wrote last week...

I've long since known that the best way to manage my depression and anxiety is through exercise.

When I exercise I get enough sleep. I feel good about myself and all other areas of my life have more meaning. I'm more patient with my children, I work harder at work, I work harder at home. I'm not lazy and lethargic. I pay more attention to what I eat and when I eat it. I socialize more when I run. I actually want to bathe and put on decent clothes instead of just sweats. Some of these are crazy sounding, I know. I wrote about a lot of these things when I talked about why I encourage my children to run.

As I've been working my way out of the funk that I described a few days ago I started making little lists of what I could do to help. I mentioned that I knew what needed to be done but I just didn't know how to start the climb.  Apparently, I just had to think about it for a few days and then just decide to start.

One of the things I kept thinking about over and over again was running.

For comparison's sake, the numbers below represent my running miles for the last 9 months beside of a number representing my depression and anxiety level on a scale of 1 (virtually none) to 10 (through the roof level).

And because I'm a nerd I decided to graph the data to see the real correlation.

You can see that there's a clear relationship between the ups and the downs in my mileage per month and my level of anxiety and depression.

Not surprisingly, my weight also has a direct correlation with this information. Naturally, my weight is highest when I'm depressed and not running. My weight is lowest when I care about what I put into my body and when I'm taking care of it with exercise, good sleep and nutrition.

This is Why I Run.

My weight is at the highest it's been in a couple of years. (I looked. July of 2012 was the last time I weighed this much and though I weighed ten pounds more than that just a couple of months before that, I refuse to put those ten pounds back on.)

It is not fun to dislike your body and it is not fun to feel anxious about everything, sensitive, and sad all the time.

I've started tracking my runs and including notes about weight and nutrition, not just times and distances.

Just like with dieting and tracking what you eat, I'm finding that simply by being intentional and taking note of this information I'm becoming more aware of it and it's helping me make better choices.

I'm sure if I listed them all out there would literally be a hundred reasons why I run. (I will save this post for another day because I don't want it to take away from the purpose of this series and Mental Health Awareness month.)

For now, I'm running for mental health. I'm running to manage my anxiety and depression. I'm running to deal with life.

Why do you run? What other ways do you cope with emotions? 

To be continued...