then and now

Then

Now

dealing with depression and anxiety [part 3]

Alternate title: meme overload

This is the third and final part in a series of posts I've written on depression and anxiety. Part 1 from last week is here and Part 2 was published earlier in the week and can be found here. I'd love to have your input either in the comments or via email.

-----

I don't know everything. Not even close. I just want to talk about my experiences. The only things I really know about depression and anxiety I've had to figure out on my own. Since no one really talks about this like it's ordinary mental health, it's hard to share it with people without feeling like you're begging for attention or without feeling judged.

I first recognized I had some anxiety and depression issues outside of normalcy when I had a 4 month old baby. I had a really, really hard time adjusting to being at home all day putting someone else's needs above my own literally 24 hours a day (86,400 seconds).

My sister was in graduate school and lived with us during that time. My husband, mom and sister were a terrific support system for me with a newborn baby. They knew I was depressed before I knew. They cried with me, listened and talked with me.

As a first time mom with breastfeeding issues weighing me down, I was going crazy from the sleep deprivation, alienation from my ordinary life, and adjustment to all of the demands of caring for a child. I cried daily. I counted the hours until Jonathan came home from work. I hardly took care of myself.

After Julianna was about 5 or 6 months old things finally started getting better. I would say I was back to my normal self by the time she was 9 months.

I struggled for a little bit with trying to find a balance between being a mom and working or staying at home. I decided staying at home wasn't right for me and began looking for a teaching job again. I went through a sad time when I couldn't find the right job.

When we began planning on having another baby I became really anxious about dealing with PPD again. I was proactive enough to talk with my doctor and get on antidepressants when I became pregnant. When Josh was born I had a much, much, much easier time. Second baby, sure, but the meds helped too.  I felt ready to get off of them before he reached six months.

I got a full time teaching job before Josh was a year old.  I've dealt with parenting and working full-time over the last five years pretty well I would say. I've managed most of my emotions and stress with running. I haven't been on antidepressants at all. I've definitely had the usual roller-coaster periods but never been as sad as I was the past couple of weeks.

All of this being said, I would like to share the few things that have helped me.

Here are my tips for dealing with depression and anxiety for what they're worth:

1. Let your closest friends and family know that you're feeling down.

2. Make sure to get outside, sunshine or not, every day.

3. Make yourself run or do whatever other kind of exercise you typically like to participate in even though you don't feel like it.

4. Make a point to eat nutritious foods.

5. Read the Bible and think about what God has done for you.

6. Take a shower and get dressed in something other than sweatpants. Wear make-up and comb your hair.

7. Take a picture of something you're thankful for every day. Then flip back through them before you do to sleep.

8. Do all of these things even when you don't want to. Believe me: you're not going to want to but do them anyway.

9. Think about doing something kind for someone else. If you feel up to it then do it, but if not at least write it down so that you'll remember to do it later.

10. Make a conscious effort to rephrase what you say so that it sounds confident and positive. This is a hard one.

Leave a comment with the last thing you did but add "Like a Boss" to the end of it.

Any tips you want to add?

dealing with depression and anxiety [part 1]

A whole week goes by. I don't run. I feel bored, stressed, little energy, no motivation.

I don't sleep well. My back starts to hurt.

My diet, which had been going so well starts to crumble. My dedication fades. I stop caring about eating right.

I stop playing with the kids. I have little patience for their stories which seem to take an eternity to finish.

While I still cook dinner and switch the laundry over it's like everything moves in slow motion now.

I quit posting my thankful pictures. I just don't care.

I start feeling a pull to eat something horrible for me. I order a burger and hot chips at a restaurant. The 2000 calorie meal only makes me feel terrible. I sit on the couch later, sad and frustrated. Mostly just mad at myself. Plus, I'm miserable with a stomachache and gerd and don't sleep well because of it.

Then the stress and tension from no sleep causes a pulled neck muscle. The stiff neck makes me uncomfortable all day... not wanting to run or move or anything.... vicious cycle.

I go to running practice because I said I would but I don't want to. I'm only there because I said I would be there. That's reason alone to commit to group exercise.

But now, since I've messed up the beginning of the week in every other way, it's easy to find excuses to miss the rest of my runs.

I'm about as depressed as I've been since Julianna was five months old.

I long for the routine of a training schedule. I need the structure of a list and checking off a training run each day on a calendar. I long for a consistent diet and adequate quality sleep.

I need the exhaustion that comes after a hard workout. I need the physical fatigue that comes from a two hour run, not the fatigue of little sleep, pulled muscles, and couch-sitting.

I need to get back to eating nutritious meals and not feeding my emotions. At the very least I need to not eat doughnuts for breakfast.

I know what has to be done. It's could be any of several different things that I know will work. I just don't know how to start the climb.

To be continued...

what's going on at our house

Last week was Spring Break and it was glorious.

I started the week off by running the City of the Arts half marathon with a group of friends. The actual race ended up being canceled because they couldn't get approval from the city for some of the road closures but one of the girls wrote the race director and told him that we were planning to run the course anyway so they came and brought us some of last year's shirts and medals for our efforts. I thought that was pretty nice. We had a group of ten and we all were different ages so we all placed first in our age groups. Very cool. Probably the only time that will ever happen to me.

We followed that up with a lunch with friends at one of my favorite places. Yum!

Julianna and I kicked around together all week not doing a whole lot but still filling the time with plenty of fun.

We redeemed some of the coupons for birthday treats that she had gotten a week earlier.

We ran together and rode bikes together.

We went shopping and bought some of Jonathan's 38 birthday gifts.  And we had lunch at the mall with all the girls.

We drove by my old house and took some stalker pictures.

Then on Friday Jonathan and Josh were off so we got up and drove to the beach for the weekend. It was a quick trip but so nice to get down there even for a couple of days.

Mom, Whit, and I took the kids to an Easter Egg Hunt.

Dad and I ran and took silly pictures at Wings on the giant conch shell.

Then we packed it up and came home in time for Easter lunch at Memama's.

Fun, relaxing, and refreshed... and counting down the days until summer.

What's going on with you guys?

then and now {+ giveaway winner}

January 2015

January 2014

January 2012

January 2011

January 2010

January 2008

January 2007

And the giveaway winner from the Truth, Dare or Double Dare post is Destiny Price. Congratulations! Destiny, please shoot me an email with your mailing address and we'll get the gift certificate to you.

Have a great weekend!