dealing with depression and anxiety [part 2]

Continued from a post I wrote last week...

I've long since known that the best way to manage my depression and anxiety is through exercise.

When I exercise I get enough sleep. I feel good about myself and all other areas of my life have more meaning. I'm more patient with my children, I work harder at work, I work harder at home. I'm not lazy and lethargic. I pay more attention to what I eat and when I eat it. I socialize more when I run. I actually want to bathe and put on decent clothes instead of just sweats. Some of these are crazy sounding, I know. I wrote about a lot of these things when I talked about why I encourage my children to run.

As I've been working my way out of the funk that I described a few days ago I started making little lists of what I could do to help. I mentioned that I knew what needed to be done but I just didn't know how to start the climb.  Apparently, I just had to think about it for a few days and then just decide to start.

One of the things I kept thinking about over and over again was running.

For comparison's sake, the numbers below represent my running miles for the last 9 months beside of a number representing my depression and anxiety level on a scale of 1 (virtually none) to 10 (through the roof level).

And because I'm a nerd I decided to graph the data to see the real correlation.

You can see that there's a clear relationship between the ups and the downs in my mileage per month and my level of anxiety and depression.

Not surprisingly, my weight also has a direct correlation with this information. Naturally, my weight is highest when I'm depressed and not running. My weight is lowest when I care about what I put into my body and when I'm taking care of it with exercise, good sleep and nutrition.

This is Why I Run.

My weight is at the highest it's been in a couple of years. (I looked. July of 2012 was the last time I weighed this much and though I weighed ten pounds more than that just a couple of months before that, I refuse to put those ten pounds back on.)

It is not fun to dislike your body and it is not fun to feel anxious about everything, sensitive, and sad all the time.

I've started tracking my runs and including notes about weight and nutrition, not just times and distances.

Just like with dieting and tracking what you eat, I'm finding that simply by being intentional and taking note of this information I'm becoming more aware of it and it's helping me make better choices.

I'm sure if I listed them all out there would literally be a hundred reasons why I run. (I will save this post for another day because I don't want it to take away from the purpose of this series and Mental Health Awareness month.)

For now, I'm running for mental health. I'm running to manage my anxiety and depression. I'm running to deal with life.

Why do you run? What other ways do you cope with emotions? 

To be continued...

by the numbers

1. 38 days of school left
2. 6 teacher work days left
3. 55 days of summer vacation
4. 42.3 miles run in April
5. 312.2 miles run in 2015 (a bit behind schedule for 100/month)
6. 6 days in a row without running last week
7. 2 days until we get to hear Ben Folds
8. 13 books read in 2015 (a bit behind schedule for 1/week)
9. 2 weeks until my next race
10. 9:54 am the time that my chicken salad sandwich was eaten from my lunchbox this morning
11. 1 week until my next giveaway
12. 25 minutes it took me to read JK Rowling's most recent book
13. 25 pounds I'd like to lose (probably related to number 10)
14. 7 episodes watched of Parenthood so far
15. 2 movies we're going to see in the next week (one at RiverRun Film Festival and one pre-screening of War Room)
16. 2:22:02 my best half marathon time which also happens to be Shalane Flanagan's best Boston Marathon time (HA!)
17. $360 the amount of money it costs to register early for the Goofy Challenge at the Walt Disney World Marathon
18. 38 gifts I've bought for my husband's 38th birthday
19. 4 weekends available in our condo at the beach during the next month
20. 1,210,033 people in Costco yesterday

links i love

Winstagr.am
This site compiles all the photos on Instagram that are tagged with the hashtag wsnc. So cool! Locals should definitely check out the gorgeous photos taken in our City of the Arts.

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Eagerly awaiting this completed development.

source

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It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of Fleet Feet Sports. I started my first training program there in January 2012 and it has changed my life. I have continued training with Fleet Feet for three years and I've made more successful changes as a result of my affiliation with this store than anything else. Plus, the friendships I've made and the confidence I've gained from becoming a runner are pretty amazing. I never would have thought I could do the things I've done with Fleet Feet.

If you're curious about running a 5K or some other distance, I want to encourage you to check out the training programs offered by Fleet Feet. Now through February 13th you can use this coupon to take $20 off any winter training program. The support and accountability that group fitness provides cannot be matched.

happy friday! my current thoughts on distance running

There are 42 days until my marathon. I'm honestly at the point where I'm really tired of running. I had an awesome race last weekend at the Salem Lake 30k Trail Run and I still have 4 pretty big long runs left if you count race day. I'm just feeling burnt out though. With 6 weeks left, I know I can do it.

This weekend we're going to the mountains for a day. It should be fun but a huge climate adjustment because the high temps here this week have all been in the low 80s and the high temp in the mountains this weekend is 48 degrees.  We're leaving after my 20 mile run on Saturday so I hope my legs don't die and fall off from riding in the car after that.

So I've been extremely stressed lately and skipping my short runs and that's lead to more stress, pitiful sleep, and lots of emotional eating. I completed the DietBet last month and lost 10.5 pounds but I feel the loss of control setting back in and I'm trying to get back on track.  I've finally figured out that I CAN lose weight while training for a marathon but I just have to really be careful with my calorie intake on either side of my Saturday runs. Anyway, here's to getting back on a better track tomorrow!

What are you up to this weekend? 

Any runner's out there struggle with fueling long runs and maintaining a balance with your weight?

by the numbers + recent giveaway winner announced

Agh! edit: I wrote this Friday but it didn't publish

• 36 days until we get a break from school (and even then it's just a workday)
• 7 days until the Dixie Classic Fair begins
• 122 miles run in September so far 
• 50 days until I run Richmond
• 7 long runs left (I really only count 4 of those since they're above 14 miles)
• 10 pounds lost since mid-August
• 10 years ago now that I had lasik eye surgery
• 27 days until Josh turns 5 (FIVE!)
• 24 days until our 12th anniversary (TWELVE!)
• 66 ounces of water I've had today and it's only 2 pm (I'm hydrating, baby!

Last but not least, many congratulations to Marilyn Miller who was selected to receive the $25 certificate and copy of Ted Dekker's A.D. 30 from my last giveaway!

goals update

This year I resolved to:

• drink less coffee

• run a marathon

• read 40 books

• spend less money on crap I already have

• wear my hair in a ponytail less

• finally get rid of the Appletini mix that's been in my fridge since something like 2007

• lose 15 more pounds (unfortunately, I think this one holds a permanent spot on my resolution list)

So let's see how I'm doing on each of these, m'kay?

Drink Less Coffee
I don't know that I have done this. I have taken the sugar out of my coffee though. That counts for something, right?

Run a Marathon
You've read about this ad'nauseum but the short version of the story is that I finished my first marathon in April. Since I was very disappointed in the result I signed up for another one that's in seventy three days (EEEKKK!).

Read 40 Books
I've currently read something like 30 books which gives me about 15.5 weeks to read ten more. Doable but going to be difficult. Anyone have recommendations for me? Also, I've got two book giveaways coming up soon so stay tuned if you like to read.

Spend Less on Things I Already Have
I *think* I've done this one. I've tried to remember that the best way to save money is to not spend it but I've been going at it with Julianna about her not wanting to wear clothes that I spent tons of good money on so perhaps I'll need to be a bit more intentional with this one and really buckle down on not buying items that we won't use or items that we already have something that could work for the same purpose.

Get Rid of the Appletini Mix
Sadly, this is the easiest one and I don't think I've done it yet. I'll try to remember tonight.

Wear My Hair in a Ponytail Less
I've definitely been hit or miss on this one. It's a work in progress. My recent hair cut helps but this week's upper ninety degree temperature don't.

Lose 15 More Pounds
I spent an hour earlier this week looking back at data on all of the weight loss sites and apps that I've used and looking through my blog archives to try to figure out what my lowest weight has been since having children. I discovered that I weighed 137 when I got pregnant with Julianna nine years ago and I weighed 147 when I got pregnant with Josh 5 years ago.  I've reached 147 a couple of times since then (most recently in October 2012 when we went to Mexico) but I've mostly stayed around 150. I've never made it back to 137, my pre-pregnancy weight. So I think that's going to be my goal.

I started a DietBet a couple of weeks ago and I now weigh 146. I'm not going to do another one when this one is over but I am going to try to maintain that 7 pound loss. Since I'm training for a marathon I know that's going to be tough. After the race is over though I intend to work toward that 137 number. Maybe I'll finally lose all of my baby weight by the time my oldest child turns 9. Maybe.

How are you doing on your goals? What are you working on? I'm constantly looking for ways to improve myself so please share your ideas in the comments.

goodbye, august

August, by the numbers:

1 book read
4 books started
5.5 pounds lost
94 degrees forecast for tomorrow
2 races on the calendar
121.3 miles run
1 pint of blood donated
3 cars test-driven
5 days of school completed
6 billion sighs over sleeping babies

5 Instagramers you should follow

I thought I'd share some of my favorite Instagram peeps with you today. If you have an Instagram account you should check these guys out sometime. And as always, you can follow me at @aisforbeautiful.

samhaseyebrows
This account documents the silly antics of a little white kitty with black markings above his eyes that look exactly like eyebrows. Hilarious. The captions are witty and the pictures entertaining. I normally don't like stuff like this but it's one account that never fails to make me smile when I see the pictures posted.

wordinaire
If you're an English nut like I am you'll want to follow this one.  It helps to have the visual with the definition to remember the word and it's meaning and then in the caption they actually use the word in a sentence. I don't always remember the words, but the stunning pictures and clever sentences really make it easier and I like to think it makes me smarter.

sweating_it_off
Alan Ali has lost over 150 pounds and his account is one of the most motivational I follow. He posts motivational quotes, great workout tips, and healthy food products he's found. Plus, he's North Carolina folk so he's good people.

runeatrepeat
Like a lot of Instagramers, Monica, the name behind Run Eat Repeat had a blog first. I like her instagram account because it provides quick witty snapshots and captions of healthy foods, inspirational workout tips and plenty of run documentation and info. Plus, she's funny and fast so there's that too.

hawthornefamilyeats
This account contains clean eating ideas for meals and snacks for any age.  Gorgeous food art photos and great ideas for trying to eat healthy.

BONUS for local peeps:
Check out southernbiscuits and mywinstonsalem

Now tell me, who should I follow on Instagram?

by the numbers

15 pounds to lose
10 books read this year
40 books read is the goal
14 miles run this month
2 ball games to attend tomorrow
20 days of school left
20.25 hours of overtime needed to take the last week of teacher workdays off
0% pay raise I'm getting for next year
2 nights I have to work next week for concerts and award ceremonies
14 parents I really need to call
1,362 times I've thought about getting a new job
70 degrees forecast for tomorrow in our area
8 miles I'd like to run tomorrow
79 degrees normal high temperature
10 hours left to enter my giveaway

#grilledlove

Like last year, I had the privilege of visiting a local Chick-fil-A for a grilled chicken tasting party.  We'd already gotten a chance to try the Grilled Market Salad when it launched last summer and were already huge fans. We learned that they've added blueberries to that salad (and the fruit cup) which only makes it better.

Josh enjoying a taste of the Grilled Market Salad, fruit cup, and yogurt parfait

Josh always gets a kid's meal when we go to Chick-fil-A and since there has been a new recipe for the grilled chicken nuggets, he now specifically asks for the "chicken in the black bowl not the box."  Funny to me that the kid prefers grilled to fried, but I'm not going to complain since the grilled nuggets are low in fat and calories.

the new Grilled Chicken Club Sandwich

We also got to try the new grilled sandwiches. They have both the regular and the club (cheese and bacon added). For both sandwiches the chicken was moist and flavorful and actually tasted like it came off your grill instead of from a fast food place. The marinade is made with lemon, garlic, and sea salt and was totally yummy. At 320 calories, 3 g of fiber, and only 5 g of fat that's a really decent sandwich which superb nutrition stats.

beautiful party set-up

backyard barbecue theme 

Thank you, Chick-fil-A for hosting us for this tasting party. It was a lot of fun!

Visit grilledlove.chick-fil-a.com for more information and leave a comment on this post by Friday 5/16 for a chance to win this prize pack and your own taste of Chick-fil-A's new #grilledlove

goals, version twenty fourteen

Last year I resolved to

(Achievements in parentheses)

• read 40 books (not by a long shot, only 23 I think)
• get more involved at church (small group leaders each week = CHECK)
• run at least one half marathon and complete at least one triathlon (CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, and CHECK)
• take my kids to Disney World (CHECK)
• (re)read New Testament gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (I made it all the way through Matthew and almost finished Mark. Then I stopped.)
• spend more time taking care of my physical living space (big FAIL)
• sell a bunch of my crafting junk (another FAIL)
• lose 15 more pounds and maintain that loss as well as the thirty I've already lost (maintain? CHECK, lose more? not a bit)
• plan a couple of trips to states I've never visited (not necessarily go, but at least plan) (NOPE)

Well, it looks like I did a poor job of meeting my goals for this year. It actually seems to be the worst year I've done with resolutions in a long time.

Now that I've written it all out it inspires me to do better this year. Which brings me to...

2014 GOALS:

• drink less coffee
• run a marathon
• read 40 books
• spend less money on crap I already have
• wear my hair in a ponytail less
• finally get rid of the Appletini mix that's been in my fridge since something like 2007
• lose 15 more pounds (unfortunately, I think this one holds a permanent spot on my resolution list)

Now, let's be real. All of these resolutions will take up about 5% of my goal-setting-and-keeping energy except that second one. That second one will take an obscene amount of work and I'm scared to death of it, but I'm going to do my best.  Then maybe next year my resolutions for 2015 can be a tad more specific and measurable than "wear my hair in a ponytail less."

Happy New Year, Y'all!

down and up and up and down

Before I got married I think I weighed somewhere around 135 pounds.  I lost weight before the wedding like a lot of brides do.  All I remember for certain is that I ordered my wedding dress in a size 10/12 and had it altered down to a size 4.  I felt wonderful.

I remember feeling fabulous in a pair of 6/8 jeans when we went to the mountains in those early years.   But the years of early marriage naturally added on some pounds.  By the time I got pregnant with Julianna four and a half years later I weighed 147 and had been had been trying to get back to the 120s.

I gained 37 pounds with Julianna and lost it all but ten.  Those last ten pounds just would not come off and somehow I learned to be satisfied with my weight in the mid 150s.  The medically recommended weight for a female of my height is 137 pounds but at 155 pounds I was just barely in the "normal" weight range and I was satisfied with not being "overweight."

July 2007

Then I had a miscarriage and then got pregnant with Josh.  I was 157 when I got pregnant the third time.  I was determined with that this time I would have a healthy pregnancy and I tried to only gain the 25 pounds the doctors wanted me to gain.  Of course, I went about 15 pounds over.  I was walking the Dixie Classic Fair for numerous hours trying to induce labor.

August 2009 - this was 2 whole months before Josh was born

July 2010

After Josh was born it took me about 13 months to get back to pre-Josh weight.  Even after that I struggled to keep it off.  I went back to working full time and it was so much harder to lose.  I finally made my mind up to lose weight and I signed up for my first half marathon.  After the race I started really trying to eat right and continue the exercise.  At about 175 pounds, around June 2012 I started losing weight consistently and easily.

November 2012

Last Fall before our Mexico trip (November 2012) I made it back to 147 (my pre-Jules weight) for the first time in more than seven years.  I felt great.  I wore a bikini in Mexico on our anniversary trip (not for pictures and I still probably shouldn't have but that should indicate how comfortable I was with my weight 8 months ago).  My clothes were about to fall off.

Since I took the weight off slowly (about six months) I felt like I had made life changes that would stick with me for a long time.  I was running half marathons and making good food choices easily without feeling deprived or counting calories or anything like that.  For some reason, I was wrong and it didn't stay off long after the holidays.

June 2013

It's now June. The two pictures above were taken on Saturday.  I weigh 157 pounds.  I'm fighting to take those ten pounds back off.  Then I'd like to lose 12 more, hopefully cutting off some of that nasty thigh bulge and putting me at 135.

Hold me accountable, friends!

What's your best weight loss tip?

by the numbers

• 8 days of school left
• 60 miles run in May so far (my lowest month this year)
• 2.6 miles we hiked on Saturday

• 4 days until my DietBet is over
• 3.5 lbs left to lose in order to win this one
• 2 days of testing this week
• 4 doughnut holes my son ate after dinner Sunday night
• 2.56 seconds it took him to eat them

• 66 minutes is my goal time for my upcoming 10k
• 10:30 is that pace per mile (making it a lofty goal for me)
• 3 miles my seven year old ran yesterday at the Memorial Day Fun Run

• 9 weeks (roughly) until I get to meet my new niece
• 2 baby showers coming up next month for my sister