Thursday, July 31, 2008

heaven on in earth

Today Julianna got to do something that she's been longing to do all month. When we first got to the beach and we first rode down Highway 17 and Julianna first laid her eyes on <a href="">Planet Hollywood </a>you would have thought it was Christmas morning for all the squealing that took place in our car. Ever since that day she's exclaimed in her deepest Southern accent, "Look ya'll!" every time we've driven by that place. We've had to promise her over and over again that we'd take her there one day. Of course we all speculated that it was going to be a huge disappointment to her since it's really just a restaurant, but nevertheless she still wanted to go even when we explained that little fact to her. She would call Daddy on the telephone and tell him excitedly that she wanted him to come to the beach and take her to "Planet Earth." And today was her day.

<img src="" alt="We're going to Planet Earth!" />

Actually, when we pulled in the parking lot we saw a parked cop car and a policeman escorting a man wearing a shirt and tie out the back door in handcuffs. So yeah, that was interesting.

Anyway, we first went in the gift shop area since my dad wanted us to buy Jules an overpriced T-shirt. Unfortunately, they don't sell kids T-shirts and the $10 ones were sold out in size Small. Besides, Julianna didn't care much she just wanted to go on in the place.

<img src="" alt="Daddy and Jules checking out the displays inside" />

When we did finally go in the restaurant, Jules was mighty impressed with the ceiling and all of the decorations. She especially liked the airplanes that were flying around and he Power Ranger character. We walked up the big staircase up to the bar area and he was craning her neck the entire time trying to absorb all of the stuff going on around her. She was enthralled.

<img src="" alt="checking out the ceiling" />

After we had seen it all we went outside, back down the huge front staircase and she was just smiling. We got to the bottom of the stairs and she immediately started dancing to the music that was playing over the speakers.

<img src="" alt="leaving the giant earth" />

A fun outing for a two year old and we didn't even spend a dime. Pretty nice.

<object width="400" height="302"> <param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /> <param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /> <param name="movie" value=";;show_title=1&amp;show_byline=1&amp;show_portrait=0&amp;color=01AAEA&amp;fullscreen=1" /> <embed src=";;show_title=1&amp;show_byline=1&amp;show_portrait=0&amp;color=01AAEA&amp;fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="302"></embed></object><br /><a href="">Untitled</a> from <a href="">c525600</a> on <a href="">Vimeo</a>.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Han, Han, Bo Bahn, Banana Fanna, Fo Fahn…

Julianna has adopted a few pets over the last few weeks. She has promptly named easch one of them and carried them around for a while.

She got two Little Pet Shop Happy Meal Toys and

Meet Pickle and Pumpkin:

<img src="" alt="Pickle and Pumpkin - Happy Meal Toys" />

Then she started carrying around the inflatable alligator. She named him and even invited him to take a bath with her one day. Although that did make it a little difficult to, uh, bathe.

Meet Ali:

<img src="" alt="Ali the inflatable alligator" />

Finally, my mom made her three little stuffed birdies a few weeks ago. She immediately adopted them as her own, named each one, and asked if they could take a nap with her.

Mett Han, Bean, and Hay:

<img src="" alt="Han, Bean, and Hay - three little birdies" />

<img src="" alt="Han, Bean, and Hay making a birdie pyramid" />

Friday, July 25, 2008

my real vacation starts right here

First and foremost I want to say thank you to all the people that have called, emailed, and posted comments over the last few days. They have been so helpful and I can say with certainty that the last few days would not have been so easy without the love and support of you all.

I am doing very well. I went in for surgery yesterday morning at 6:45 and was “home” by 11. Everything was very simple and I was lucky to have my parents to keep Julianna, my husband waiting for me in the waiting room, and a very sweet doctor and nurse to take care of me in the hospital. I have a prescription for pain killers that I really haven’t needed and have already quit taking. Although I can't swim for the next two weeks, I still managed to spend the afternoon with family resting on the beach and seeing a matinee showing of Batman followed by dinner at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. Life is good.

<img src="" alt="Jules wearing her Big Sister shirt" />

In the past 48 hours I have questioned so many things. I have wondered about my 8 ½ week appointment a month ago and how I wanted to push it back from Monday to Friday since I would be at the beach for the following month. If I had done that would we have known a month earlier? I have wondered if my experience with c diff somehow made me unhealthy enough to terminate a pregnancy. I have wondered what to do with the adorable “Big Sister” shirt I bought Julianna two weeks ago.

On the other hand, I have also wondered about the half marathon at the end of April 2009 that my sister has been asking me to commit to run with her and about the weight that I’ve been putting off losing. I have wondered if this is my opportunity. I have wondered if this is God’s plan for my job situation – to not have to go on maternity leave during the middle of the regular school year. And I have wondered about having a winter baby and how that would affect any PPD that I might have after Baby # 2 is born. Maybe I am just meant to have a summer baby. :)

I think the main thing that I have been thinking about is how much harder this would have been if it had been my first pregnancy. For all of you people out there who have gone through that, I am so sorry. I cannot even fathom how difficult that would be.

When we got pregnant with Julianna we didn’t tell anyone before the first trimester was over except our immediate family (and we even waited until 11 weeks to tell them). I was beyond excited about being pregnant, but I also was cautious enough to not want to make a mistake born out of excitement that I may have had to “un-tell” later. I am so glad that I made those decisions.

I am also so very glad that I made the decision to announce this pregnancy early on. If we had followed the same plan and not shared our news this time around until the “safe period,” then Jonathan and I would be suffering alone right now. Instead we have had an enormous amount of love and support from everyone who knows us. I have had people I don’t even know write me to share their experiences with me. I have had family members write me to tell me their personal experience that I had not even been aware of prior to sharing mine. I have had friends show genuine concern for me and it has without a doubt been the greatest blessing.

While I am sad that I won’t have a baby to play with in January, I am so satisfied that I have put this experience behind me and that we’ll be able to try again in the future. Thanks again for loving on me guys. I mean it.

And if anyone makes fun of me for wearing my maternity clothes for the next month or so I’m going to punch them in the face. Just kidding. But really, those things are just so darn comfy. :)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

i have seen

So far this month we have seen a wide variety of fun things at the beach.

We have seen:



<img src="" alt="a turtle in the lake" />

<li>ducks and swans</li>

<img src="" alt="a duck in the lake" />


<img src="" alt="a sailboat in the ocean" />

<li>pelicans almost the size of a jet ski</li>

<li>and my favorite, a first for me to see this - both ends of the same rainbow</li>

<img src="" alt="left side of the rainbow over the ocean" />

<img src="" alt="right side of the rainbow over the ocean" />


God is good all the time.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

the verdict

The baby stopped growing at 8 weeks 6 days. To me the irony is that I had my first ultrasound at 8 weeks 4 days. Just two days before the baby suppsedly died we saw the heartbeat. I knew right away on the ultrasound today as soon as the baby came into focus. You could see the baby and you could see the heart but no pulsing bright light, no heartbeat. I simply said, "there's no heartbeat" and the ultrasound tech said, "You caught me. I'm going to have to do a vaginal ultrasound." This was, I'm assuming, to get the clearer picture and measure the baby, but it was irritating to me that I was 95% positive that the baby had died and she wouldn't say it. When she left the room for me to get undressed it took her forever to come back and then during the vaginal US the doctor came in to tell me.

It's amazing to me that they can tell when the baby stopped growing exactly. It's also amazing to me that although I had a very strong (bad) feeling about the baby a couple of weeks ago, other than that and the very light spotting I would not have known.

All kinds of thoughts keep going through my head. If I had been home I am convinced that things would be no different. My next OB appointment would have been yesterday and it would have shown the same thing. The only thing that could have helped is if I had had cramps or spotting earlier and had been home I could have had the earlier US. I am angry that the ER could not have done an US and given me answers like this on Friday. I am angry that the doctor's office could not have seen me yesterday and given me answers a day earlier. I am glad to have my little girl.

I have a pre-op appointment tomorrow afternoon and go in for surgery the next morning at 9am. She did give me the option to go home, but after talking with her about what the surgery entails it does not seem important to me to be at home when I should be fully recovered by Thursday afternoon/evening. She stressed that I get the procedure done as early as possible and that is fine with me. Jonathan will be here Thursday night.

Overall, I really am fine so far. I am not worried about what I could have done differently and I am already looking past it to the future. Whether that is good or bad I don't know and don't really care at this point. Call me crazy, but I am mostly just worried about whether Jules will notice that we stop talking about a baby for several months. And of course, wondering about my bridesmaid's dress for my sister's wedding in 3 months.

I'm totally assuming that they'll make me wait a few complete cycles before I start trying again and I question - Will Julianna be 4 years old when she gets a baby brother or sister? Will she be ten? Will she be the only one for us?

Any answer is fine although some are preferable to others. I am truly blessed to have my Doodlebug. Some people are not as lucky.

Thank you all for your prayers.

update on a few things

<strong>update number one:</strong>
I know I never posted the winner of <a href="">Friday's contest</a>. That's because when I used the <a href=""></a> random number generator it chose #4. Of course it chose #4. You want to know why? Because #4 was my sister's comment. She's <em>always</em> a lucky duck. That and I think the random number generator just wanted to make me look bad like I was stacking the contest.

I promise I wasn't. If I could prove it I would.

Anyway, I considered picking another number and then sending a small prize to both and all that jazz, but I think I've just decided to save this great priize for my sister and if you guys think I'm an unfair cheater then so be it. Hate me.

So I'm going to be photographing my sister's prize and posting about it this afternoon. Congrats Whitter!

<strong>update number two:</strong>
<a href="">Safire</a> got her Pay It Forward package from me and now has posted her <a href="">new Pay It Forward Contest</a>. Should you wish to enter you can jump on over to her blog and leave a comment. Have fun!

<strong>update number three:</strong>
The OB office that I was referred to down here at the beach couldn't work me in for a sonogram yesterday so I am going today at 2:15. For all of you with inquiring minds, I'll have a post up after that to let you know how it goes. Thanks for all of the concern and prayers. It really helps to know that people care.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

the one where I visit the emergency room for the first time in my lovely thirty years

Let me tell you about my day yesterday.

I have had very light spotting since Wednesday. No cramps at all and feeling pretty good compared to earlier in the pregnancy. I called my OB’s office back at home and spoke with a nurse who took a bunch of information and did not sound very alarmed at all at my description of the spotting. She asked my blood type (which is O negative by the way, and requires Rhogam shots with each pregnancy both at 28 weeks and once the baby is born). She told me that she wanted to speak with a doctor and call me back. That was Thursday morning. When I hadn’t heard from her by Friday at 11am I called back and left another message for her.

She returned my call Friday around noon after speaking with a doctor and explained to me that I should probably be seen by someone down here. She said that I could probably get an early small dose shot of Rhogam because of the bleeding but that there was probably no concern for miscarriage based on my symptoms and at 12 weeks pregnancy. She advised that I either go to an urgent care type place or that I go to the local emergency room and she told me that I should probably call first to make sure that they have the necessary shot before I go.

So of course, I called two urgent care type places that could not help me. Then I called a local OB office who said all of their doctors left at noon on Fridays. So I phoned my doctor back and told the nurse that I was heading to the local emergency room and that she could fax my medical records there. Fortunately my dad was able to stay with Julianna who was napping and my mom was able to go with me to the hospital. I got signed in at the ER at 1:15 and was told that there were only 2 OB beds so I would probably have to wait a while.

I was pleasantly surprised when only 50 minutes later they got me in a room. The doctor was very kind, knowledgeable, and personable. He got the Doppler out and listened for the heart beat. He told me before hand that we may or may not be able to hear one because 12 weeks gestation is right on the cutoff line for when you would be able to start picking up the babies heartbeat on a Doppler instead of a sonogram machine. If he hadn’t prefaced it all with that I would have fuh-reaked out because he looked for a long time and we were not ever able to hear the babies heartbeat. He did say not to worry that that didn’t particularly mean anything.

Then he asked to do an exam to check to make sure there was no bleeding from my cervix. Although it was not a pleasant experience, I could immediately see relief on the doctor’s face as he told me that there was a little blood on the outside of my cervix and not coming from the inside. He said that there were small abrasions on the outside that were causing the blood and that was common during pregnancy. He checked to make sure that my cervix was still closed and that the plug was still there and everything was fine. He again assured me that there wasn’t a cause for concern of miscarriage even though he had to diagnose me on the chart as “threatened miscarriage.” He said I still needed to get the early Rhogam shot due to the blood and asked the nurse to order it from the pharmacy.*

I was very, very relieved and while earlier I was questioning why he wasn’t going to do an ultrasound, now I wasn’t too concerned because he didn’t seem worried and apparently didn’t think I needed to have one. So when he left the room, my mom and I were talking about it and since the nurse was still in there we asked her if he was planning on doing an ultrasound and she said that she thought he was. That confused us, but we were like OK whatever.

When the doctor did come back in the room my mom asked him about the sonogram. He told us that they didn’t have the ability to do them where I was in the ER and unless it was more serious cause for concern (like a tubal/ectopic pregnancy) for which they could send me somewhere else in the hospital for that.

Anyway, here’s where the annoying part of the story comes. He said to my mom and I (and I do indeed quote), “Do I think she’s having a miscarriage? No, I don’t. Do I think she needs to have an ultrasound? Yes, she does.” When he found out that my next appointment at home wasn’t until August 4th he offered to give me a referral for an OB down here. He told me that it was totally up to me whether or not I wanted to go in for the ultrasound or not. That’s what confuses me. Does he just mean for peace of mind? Because he seemed so certain that I was not miscarrying.

When I was leaving the hospital I was leaning towards not going in to get the ultrasound as I already have the expensive ER visit to pay for. I talked with Jonathan and we both just thought that if I found myself worrying to death about it all weekend then I would just go in on Monday for the US, but otherwise I would forego it until my visit at home in 2 weeks.

Last night I had some minor cramping and now of course I am going nuts. I didn’t sleep at all because I was laying there “listening” to my body all night worrying about every new feeling. I don’t know if the slight cramps I was having off and on all through the night were from worry and anxiety, the normal round ligament growth and stretching, or a sign of miscarriage.

I am definitely going to the doctor for an US on Monday.

In the case of miscarriage, I think I will be fairly strong about it and handle it as well as can be expected. After all, I am blessed. I have this:

<a href=""><img src="" alt="Jules eating a cone of ice cream" /></a>

My two silliest, but yet biggest concerns about it at the moment are indeed the fact that we’ve already prepped Julianna for a little sibling quite a bit and we would have to figure out how to deal with that and also (silly, I know, but…) my maternity bridesmaid dress for my sister’s wedding in 3 months has already been ordered. What would they do with that? The maternity style is slightly different that the regular bridesmaids dresses so it may be more difficult than just cutting it down a lot.


That’s where I am this weekend. What are you all doing? Seriously. Let me know. Because I’m so bored I could poke my eyeballs out. That and I need something else to keep me entertained until the doctor’s offices open on Monday morning.

*In typical ER style, the nurse did NOT apparently go order the shot from the lab at that time, causing my visit to last a full 5 hours and 15 minutes instead of only the 2 hours it required. She did however go take her lunch break at 4pm and left us sitting in a freezing cold 10’ x 8’ room staring at the same four walls for 3 hours. Yeah. That was fun. She ordered the shot from the pharmacy when she got back from lunch and then it took them another hour and a half to get it ready. I can now see why the check-in lady warned me that them having only two OB beds might be some sort of hang-up.

my little fish: video 2

<object width="400" height="302"> <param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /> <param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /> <param name="movie" value=";;show_title=1&amp;show_byline=1&amp;show_portrait=0&amp;color=01AAEA&amp;fullscreen=1" /> <embed src=";;show_title=1&amp;show_byline=1&amp;show_portrait=0&amp;color=01AAEA&amp;fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="302"></embed></object><br /><a href="">Untitled</a> from <a href="">c525600</a> on <a href="">Vimeo</a>.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Happy Birthday to the best Pap ever!

<img src="" alt="swinging with Pap" />

<img src="" alt="Wall-E, Jules, Pap, and Eve" />

We love you!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

blast from the past

last summer:
<img src="" alt="Jules in a bucket 2007" />

this summer:
<img src="" alt="Jules in a bucket 2008" />

<hr />

last summer:
<img src="" alt="on the beach, playing in the sand '07" />

this summer:
<a href=""><img src="" alt="on the beach, playing in the sand '08" /></a>

<img src="" alt="making a sunshine in the sand" />

<a href=""><img src="" alt="sand surfing" /></a>

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

up to

<em>Trying to write this post for the second time this morning. Grrrr. If it doesn't go through this time I'm giving up.</em>

Harry and David truffles... mmmmmmmmm.... Come on now. I'm on vacation. No need to give me a hard time about it.

<img src="" alt="Harry and David truffles" />

or rather, waiting for a good time to fly:
Triplane Kite

<img src="" alt="Triplane Kite" />

pretty pinwheel bridal shower invitations - FUN!

<a href=""><img src="" alt="pinwheel shower invitations" /></a>

<a href="">My wonderful husband</a> who not only is staying at home fending for himself while we waste the days away at the beach, but who also works a more than full-time job and then comes home and puts in multiple hours each night building a swingset for the little girl. Swoon.

<img src="" alt="beginnings of the swingset" />

Sunday, July 6, 2008

happy fourth of july!

<img src="" alt="Jules on the sand dune" />

<br />

<img src="" alt="throwing shells into the ocean" />

<br />

<img src="" alt="my little beach beauty found a seashell" />
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