Tuesday, October 30, 2007

then and now

THEN, as an NC State cheerleader
Halloween 2006

Halloween 2007
NOW, the abominal snowman on the left*

*she was supposed to be a sheep, but as it turns out the homemade costume wasn't such a good idea

Monday, October 29, 2007


Much to my amazement Julianna has learned lots of colors this afternoon. She has correctly identified blue, brown, black, pink, and green. Before today she could only identify blue and sometimes brown. Within the last hour or so she keeps repeating colors and handing me crayons and when I ask what color it is, most of the time she gets it right. I am so dumbfounded. I didn't realize kids could learn so fast! The funniest part is that when she hands me a yellow or an orange and I ask what color they are she says something like, "whojibussitpp." Hey, at least she doesn't say "blue", right?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

nineteen months

Dear Julianna,

I’m so proud of all you’ve done this month! You’ve successfully spent your first three nights without Mama and Dada. You just stayed with Mamaw and Nanna and Pap while we went to New York for an anniversary trip this past weekend. It was fabulous to get away and of course we missed you SO MUCH, but it was so much easier than I thought it would be because you handled it like a big girl! You did whine or fuss at all. I don’t know why I was so worried about you. You played and played with all your grandparents and their toys and you had real conversations on the phone with us each day. I was so proud of you sleeping all night long and taking good naps away from home. You’re on your way to being very independent.

You’ve also made lots of progress using the big girl potty over the past two weeks. Now you often tell us when you need to go and you remind us enthusiastically afterwards that you get two “treats” (M&Ms) often by requesting a blue and a brown one. You don’t always go, but you do tell us when you need to go at least three and four times a day lately. Yay Doodle!

You switched to a big girl bed full time for nights shortly after you turned 18 months. I was so very nervous about it. Daddy put you to bed just like normal. He covered you up and walked out of the room and you didn’t get up once that first night. The nights since then have basically gone the same. You sometimes wake up in the morning and rattle your doorknob, but you’ve never gotten up in the middle of the night. You seem to enjoy sleeping in that big old bed even though you’ve been hesitant at nap time until recently. You took your first nap in the big girl bed just two days ago!

You’ve gotten so tall and skinny! You’re losing all of your baby fat! At your 18 month check up you told me all about how the doctor was going to look in your ears and eyes and nose and listen to your heart go “boom-boom” in your chest. You did cry when they gave you’re your vaccinations and flu shot, but that didn’t last long. We found out that you weigh a little over 28 pounds and you’re still in about the 95th percentile on everything. The doctor was pleased, but we expected nothing less.

You speak in sentences now. You say more than 85 words at last count and rarely have tantrums because you can’t communicate what you want. You’ve started trying to count (which comes out as two, two, two instead of one, two, three, but at least you give it a shot). You are starting to learn colors pretty well and you can say lots of people’s names now.

We’ve started putting you in “time out” for a minute for misbehavior (usually throwing your fork or hitting mommy). It’s really hard to tell yet if this has been effective, but we’ll stick with it.

You’ve started going to lunch bunch at school this month and you do pretty well with it. It’s hard to stay awake an extra half hour or so, but you’re a trooper. I’m so thankful that you’ve started to enjoy going to school to see your teachers and playmates. I think it’s been really good for you.

My heart is just bursting with pride at all you’ve accomplished recently, Doodle! The fun just never stops and I know there will always be excitement when you’re around. I love you bunches, girl!


Wednesday, October 24, 2007

i promise i did not set this up

I kid you not. She did this of her own free will.

Miss Hollywood

she’s obviously feeling better today

I kept Julianna home from school yesterday and today because she had a fever and a runny nose. Her fever was as high as 102.4 Monday and 101.1 yesterday. This morning it was only 100.6 and several hours later only 99.1. We went to the grocery store and ran other errands this morning and then came home to eat lunch. Her appetite is back so I know she's feeling better. She has been very happy and lovey since we've been home from our trip, giving me tons of hugs and kisses at random times. Then today she's gotten a little testy again (back to normal) running away from me as we got out of the car and other such usual toddler behavior.

Yesterday when she was feeling so rotten, it was easy to get her to nap in the twin bed. A first that went well. Today we tried it again and I thought all was fine. Then she got out of bed and I put her back in and told her not to get out again that it was time to go night-night. She got out a second time and was all the way across the room playing with her lamb hanging out of her mouth by the time I got in there to her. Now she's back in the crib, supposedly napping. Instead she keeps saying over and over again, "Abby house." She must feel better.

Friday, October 19, 2007

26,280,000 minutes in five years

"Love doesn't make the world go round. Love makes the ride worthwhile."
-- Franklin Jones


Do you remember what you were doing five years ago this very minute? I do. I was walking down the aisle at “The Pumpkin Church.” My arm was locked in my dad’s and I was ignoring a couple hundred people seated on either side of me and instead looking straight ahead at the love of my life and focusing on not getting sappy.

After we said I do and my sister ran in to tell me that allweddingdaysarekindaimperfect (“Yourcakefell!”) but that it’sOKbecauseit’sthevows&celebratingthatmatters (“It’ll be OK. I promise! People can still eat it!”), we had the most exhausting fun together surrounded by our family. I remember so much about that day and yet I remember so little. Its cliché I know, but time flies when you’re having fun!

So needless to say the past five years have been a whir. Life has changed in more ways than I could have ever expected. Lots of times it’s seemed like those were bad changes, but I’ve always ended up being wrong in thinking that. Very wrong. I’m so thankful I’ve had someone so kind by my side, someone who genuinely cares about other people more than himself. I’m so thankful to share my life with someone so hard-working and someone so loving. I’m so thankful to have had a friend choose keep my feet warm on that balcony ten years ago. And I’m so hopeful about a bright future. Here’s to sixty five more years together!

Because being with you, Booger… being with you as the world goes round… it’s much more than worthwhile.

Love always,
Triple C

Thursday, October 18, 2007

pictures from this week


time out
Sitting in time out

poor cat
Poor cat

holding Avery Addison
Holding prescious baby Addison #3 for this year

shoes in a lne
She gets her Type A-ness from both sides of the family

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

you decide

Oreo Pizza from Domino’s??


Black Bean and Corn Salsa from Fiesta Night with my mom’s group??

I'll take the salsa from Fiesta night every time, baby!

Black Bean and Corn Salsa
2 (16 oz.) cans black beans
1 can mexicorn
2 T fresh cilanro chopped
2 green onions chopped
1 (16 oz.) jar salsa

Drain and rinse beans. Drain corn and add to beans. Add cilantro, onions, and salsa. Stir and chill. Eat. Mmmmmmmm.

Fiesta Night!  Ole!

Monday, October 15, 2007

best quote from the weekend

Saturday night we watched Evan Almighty.

“Why do you sound like Evan Baxter, but look like a Bee Gee?”

No, I’m just kidding. That's not the best quote. Besides, it would be a lot funnier if you were actually watching the movie right now.

Anyway, the real best quote is this:

"If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

Ahhhh something to meditate on...

Sunday, October 14, 2007

The bed

There is a four poster bed that I slept in ever since I left the crib on Burlwood. It’s been at my parent’s house since I moved out when I got married in 2002, almost five years ago today. It was my mom’s before it was mine and before that it was her aunt’s I believe.

I used to write notes and diary entries late at night in my bed and use the headboard as a flat place to bear down on. I remember fondly the night my mom came in and fussed at me for leaving marks underneath my paper on the headboard. I also remember (perhaps even more fondly) taking the finials off the posts and looking in to the mirror at the dressing table across the room as I sang New Kids on the Block songs into them as if they were microphones.

A few years ago I cleaned the drawers out and quietly reminisced when I read silly notes passed to me in middle school, lists of baby names scribbled on church bulletins, and cabbage patch kid birth certificates. Last night we moved the furniture out of my old room of my parent’s house (which is listed for sale) and into the Suburban to bring home.

When we were moving the dresser we took out the empty drawers to make it easier to carry down the flight of stairs. Apparently I didn’t get everything out that time five years ago when I came back from college, lived for a few months, and then prepared to move into my own new house with my brand new husband. Last night, lodged way in the back of one of the dresser drawer compartments we found a list of colors such as “brandywine,” “California raspberry,” “spiced cider,” and “ruby red” written on a sheet of paper. Beside each color name was a thin strip of dried nail polish. While my husband got his giggles under control, I grabbed the sheet of paper, took a quick glance and smiled fondly.

We haven’t moved the furniture into our house yet, but as it sits in our car in the driveway I can’t help but feel nostalgic as I think of carrying on its life in my own house, with my own kids, and new memories. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

regarding cooler temperatures

I'm a summer lover by far, but I have to admit that after this summer...?

After this summer, I love when you get out of bed to pee and have to run back really quickly so your legs can warm up again.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Saw this meme over at Zoot's. I'm bored. So I decided to do it.

Man oh man was it discouraging! I love to read. My parents read; my sister reads; I read whenever I can. I want to teach my daughter to love to read. I guess I'm not leading by example very well these days.

Here's the meme:
Bold those you’ve read.
Italicize books you have started but couldn’t finish.
Add an asterisk* to those you have read more than once.
Underline those on your To Be Read list.

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
Crime and Punishment
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi: A Novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
A Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the Fates of Human Societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveller’s Wife
The Iliad
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran
Memoirs of a Geisha
Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
The Count of Monte Cristo
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States: 1492-Present
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake
Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

Instead, these are the books I've read since school got out in May. Quite the different list, no?

Three by Ted Dekker
Showdown by Ted Dekker
The Quickie by James Patterson
Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult
Perfect Match by Jodi Picoult
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

was there ever any doubt?

You Are Totally Like Your Mom

You and your mom are practically clones.
You think alike, and you even seem to read each other's minds.
You're definitely you're mother's child... and that's just fine with you.

work it, make it, do it, makes us harder, better, faster, STRONGER

I just got finished reading Jes' account of her 5k: "Every Accomplishment Begins With The Decision To Try." I have to admit that I identify strongly with her secret thoughts during the race and the description of how her 5k went made it sounds exactly like a few races I've experienced. My recent 10k went the same.

It has been about 2 1/2 weeks since I ran last and reading Chirky's post actually made me miss it a little. It's such a wonderful feeling to have people cheering you on at whatever you do, but it's an even better feeling to be so proud of yourself for accomplishing something to the end. I need something like that again.

Also, because that right there is a DOUBLE CHIN.

So I'm loading up my iPod and going to start it all up once more. Want to join me?

Monday, October 8, 2007

an update on the big girl bed situation and cute toddler clothes

Ugh. This will be the second time I've written this post. The first time the little girl in typical tantrum style, grabbed my mouse and threw it across the room, delteing the post, of course.

When our weekend plans fell through in the middle of the week last week I actually started looking forward to doing nothing this weekend. And a lot of nothing is exactly what we did.

Friday night we stayed at home and watched a movie. Saturday morning we stayed at home and did nothing. Saturday evening we went to feed my parents' cat since they went out of town and then grabbed a quck bite to eat and headed to the mall to kill some time. Sunday morning we helped with the three year old class at church. Finally, last night we went back to feed the cat again and then had dinner with my sister and some friends.

It was really nice to not do much. We caught up on some emails and blogs, finally read some old mail that had been sitting in the drawer forever, read through some magazines and read some of our books, and watched a couple of lousy movies. My husband also got some work done that he's needing to finish soon. All in all the weekend was very refreshing.

And it was especially much needed after the crappy sleep I've been getting.

When we moved the little girl out of the crib and into the twin bed last Saturday night it went almost too well. She hardly made a peep. She woke up a tad bit earlier than normal and just sat up in bed and called, "Mama?" The next night was almost the same except when she woke up a little earlier than normal this time she got down out of bed and came over to try to open her bedroom door. She can't quite get our doors open yet (although she can open the ones at my parents' house because of the kind of doorknobs they have). Anyway, it progressviely gone downhill ever since.

She started getting a cough sometime at the beginning of the week and that kept waking her up at night. Most nights she would wake up and be able to get herself back to sleep pretty soon. A couple of nights we've actually had to go in there and quiet her down a little and we've actually put her back in the crib in the wee hours of the morning a few times. Friday night she was awake so long coughing that we finally went to buy some children's cough medicine which has helped some, but she still woke up early the past two mornings in a row. This morning she woke up early and has a little bruise across the bridge of her nose and eyelid (like she bumped into the headboard or footboard of the bed). (The bed is a low bed so she can get up and down herself and it's up against the wall with a bed rail on the other side.

We've also not had a successful nap in the bed yet. The first four or five days we didn't even try. Then one day she said she wanted to sleep in the big girl bed when I took her up for a nap, but the second I walked to the door she kept getting up and following me crying, "Mama!" So we keep putting her down in the crib for naps. Any tips on that?

Overall, I'd say it's going better than I expected but at the same time, I have so much anxiety about this whole transistion that I'm not getting good sleep either because I'm listeing to her on the monitor the whole night. I know that she can't go to college sleeping in her crib, so I'm not planning on making any changes in the current situation anytime soon. Through time she wil get used to it I'm sure.

Now, for the fun part of this post!

Saturday when we went to the mall I "pretend shopped" for fall clothes for the little girl. (I couldn't really shop because we're struggling with the one full-time salary thing right now.) It was fun nevertheless. Look at what I bought!

Gymboree sweater

I got this sweater.

Love birds Gymboree shirt

And this adorable shirt.

brown Gymboree shirt

And I LOVE this shirt.

Fall Gymboree bodysuit

Plus I got this bodysuit.

Gymboree flower swing shirt

Then I got this shirt...

Gymboree skirt

to go with this skirt...

striped Gymboree shirt

And I love pin stripes so I had to get this shirt

Gymboree Pumpkin Tee
But the best (non)purchase of the night was this adorable fall tee.

I couldn't resist this T-shirt because of the extreme cuteness in the way that Jules says "Pumpkin."

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Thursday, October 4, 2007

if I had thought about it

I would have entered this in the DC Fair this year. Quite possibly blue ribbon worthy, no?

That picture is from last year. You should see it now. I will try to post a new picture soon.


I've been very, er, hormonal lately. And therefore moody.

Don't know why. Could be lots of reasons. Some I don't want to list here, but others I don't mind mentioning. I've been really stressed out lately. I've been trying to get stuff done but never seem to accomplish anything. I feel like a failure at being a wife a lot of times. I also feel guilty about quitting teaching because I still can't keep the house clean and the clothes washed even though I'm home more. I feel guilty for wanting to pull my hair out at the end of some days with Jules.

I also feel like I've committed to some things that I can't really do my best at and that makes me sad. I am disappointed in myself. I hate myself for taking out my frustrations on my husband. I hate myself for not taking care of myself, eating well and exercising. I hate not running the entire 10k a few weeks ago. I know that good sleep and exercise helps my moods, but I don't want to exercise. I don't want to go outside and go for a walk to get some fresh air even though I know I should. I don't want to go to bed early when I have tons and tons to do and when that's my only "me" time. I feel depressed off and on lately. I feel angry at myself a lot. I feel like a failure a lot.

Then I eat cookie dough.

I honestly worry a lot about having Baby #2 and being depressed again although I don't act like I worry about it. I want Baby #2, but I don't want to be a basket case afterwards like I was before. I worry about my husband not loving me because I'm psycho.

Really, I know that Im not a failure, but I just can't help but think that sometimes. I can't control my emotions even when I want to control my emotions.

I had a major breakdown Friday afternoon and by the time evening came and hubby was home I just let it all leak out. I cried and cried and I talked about my crazy emotions. I talked about how I have been feeling and I apologized for the ways I've been acting. I talked about how I didn't want to feel those emotions, but that I just do and that I have a hard time controlling them.

I talked about wondering if I should go to counseling or try taking antidepressants. I talked about people I know that take them. I talked about jealousy over other people, especially him for being able to have a normal life and for being able to handle things so much more easily than it seems that I can. I basically had a therapy session on my couch with no TV and just the hubs listening.

I know.

He's great to do that for me. Really he is.

But it had been so long since I'd really broken down and shared things like that so I had a lot to talk about. And a lot to cry about. I think he wonders that if we've only been married five years and it's already this bad then how bad is it going to get? I think he wants to be there for me but I also think that I am energy-draining for him. He works hard all day long and then comes home to a messy house with no dinner ready, a screaming child who has a wet diaper, a wife who still needs to get some work done for the day, but really just feels like crying. He rarely gets anything that he deserves lately. I feel bad for that.

I don't know if my thoughts regarding anitdepressants are because I've learned more about them in the past few years. I've read more about PPD since Julianna was born and I've had more exposure to them (antidepressants) through reading people's blogs, plus I just hear about them more frequently. Are these things what makes me think I should consider drugs?

I just know that usually in my life I feel like I have normal low points and more often than not these days I feel like I can't always bring myself out of the hole alone. Sometimes sadness doesn't pass as fast at it used to for me.

I also wonder if my distance from God lately has made an impact on all of this. Over the past three years we've found a church that we liked, joined a Sunday School class there and made some friends, but for one reason or another we haven't really been going to worship service that much since Julianna was born. I can probably give you ten reasons why that is. We have been going to Sunday School, but between out-of-town trips, visits to parents' churches, and working in the "nursery" we haven't been to class that often the past two months. A few little things have happened that have made me pull away from some of the people there too. How do you become a part of a church without that happening? Anyway, that has all had a direct connection to my spiritual life and I'm sure that there is a realtionship between my spiritual state and my emotional state as well. But I like the other things I've mentioned, I know that getting back to church will help. I know that studying my Bible and praying will only make me feel better. But I don't want to.

I know a lot of people would say to do it anyway. Do the things you don't want to do. After a while you will want to do them again.

Maybe they're right, but I still want to whine and vent that I don't want to.

So I am trying to do the things I can. I am going to take things little by little.

I'm not sure how I'll feel next week.

But today?

Today I feel good.

Jules balancing

Jules balancing front

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

new policy

I read on some blog, somwhere today that someone (wow I'm specific, aren't I?) developed an "I REFUSE TO HEAR NEGATIVITY" policy. If it ws your blog, let me know and I'll link it, but I just can't remember where I read it. Anyway, I'm wondering if I have the guts to develop the same policy and utter that statement whenever I'm around certain people who cannot say anything that isn't negative. Probably not, but I'll give it a try.

Oh, and don't forget to delurk here today.

it’s delurking day

It's Delurking Day. Last year I explained delurking here and I held a charity contest to see how many comments I coud get. This year instead of donating $1 to charity for each comment I think I'm going to do something embarrassing. For you, of course. Only to make this fun for you. Because I love you. If there are 15 comments on this post by midnight tonight then I'll do something embarrassing (TBD) and post proof here on the blog.

I don't really have trouble commenting on other people's blogs. I used to, but now I just type away. At least I feel like I do. I guess I'm just comfortable with it now. I love comments on my blog though (as everyone does)! That's why I want to publicize that it's Delurking Day! Please leave me some comment love! The whole point of Delurking Day is to share some love with other bloggers by bringing them happiness when you post a comment on their site. Even if you're someone who usually only reads blogs and doesn't really ever comment then today is your day! Say hello! Share who you are! Put an end to your lurking right now!

You can just say, "Hi! Happy Delurking Day!" or if you want something to write about then let me know what you think about this fall's new TV lineup. We've had a week or so to catch the first episodes of the new shows and I want to know what you think. Is there anything new that I should be watching? Or is there something that looks like it's going to be really lame this season? And remember, if there are 15 comments on this post by midnight tonight, then I'll do something pretty embarrassing like wearing pajammas to Target or something like that. Ready? GO!
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