incentives for grades, etc + why I believe running is good for my children

When I was growing up, my parents certainly believed in incentives. My dad is a forward-thinking man that's not afraid to do something a little different than everyone else and he is very financially motivated. He would often come up with ideas to try to convince my sister and I to behave a certain way or perform some way in particular. We were paid for good grades and even though that often came in the form of I.O.U. notes in our money jar I was still somehow a good student.

I don't think it was the money alone that convinced me to do well in school although I'm sure it helped. I think overall it was the expectation that my parents had that I do well. Nevertheless, the money didn't hurt their cause and I rarely got a C on a report card and I never got a D or an F.

This is the first year that Julianna has gotten a report card with actual grades on it. In Forsyth County students in Kindergarten through second grade only get report cards with E, S, N, and Us on them but when they finally reach third grade (the big year when state testing begins) their report cards show both a number and a letter grade (A, B, C, D, or F).

For Kindergarten, first, and second grade we rewarded Julianna with a special outing every time she received a good report card. We'd let her pick somewhere out of the ordinary that she wanted to go and then we'd do it. Josh just got to come along for fun. Usually she picked roller skating, ice skating, putt-putt, or Chuck E. Cheese. This worked pretty well for us and she never brought home what we considered to be a poor report card.

Now that she's in third grade, receiving actual number grades, and in HAG we really felt like rewarding her with something more when she brought home a first quarter report card that was straight As. Jonathan decided to give her money for each A and she was thrilled.

The new school and the challenge of being in a gifted classroom where suddenly she is not the smartest in the class has been really difficult for Jules. We're a little over halfway through the school year and there have been quite a few nights we've been in tears because she's felt like it has been a lot of work and she's also felt frustration at not understanding new concepts especially when the others in her class seem to understand. Mom and Dad have had added stress from the number of projects required outside of class.

Even so, we've tried to only pressure her to do her best and not worry about her project grades, not worry about the other kids, just be satisfied that's she's done what she's capable of. We've tried to emphasize that grades are important because they impact your future but they're more important because they indicate how YOU can perform and how hard YOU work. I hope we've gotten the point across that the end result is not as important to us as the process she takes to get there. If she's happy with how hard she's worked, then I can be happy with that. She brought home straight As on her second quarter report card and we paid her for those As as well.

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A year or so ago when Julianna did the Run for God 5k with us I had the idea that perhaps I should pay her for running. I briefly discussed it with Jonathan and he didn't think it was as good of an idea as I did so we nixed it and went on with life. We all ran the 5k, Julianna placed first in her age group (pictures on that page linked above), and she has run off and on since then (the last year and a half).

Over Christmas break this past year I started thinking about how I could encourage my kids to get moving some more. Again, the idea popped into my head to offer a paid incentive for them to run around the neighborhood with me. Without being in the regular habit of meeting for Run for God, the kids had really gotten out of the habit of exercising at all other than what little they do at school. (What little exercise they actually get at school is a whole other soapbox topic that I could spout off about on another day.) Plus, Julianna had recently taken the dog on several walks and I thought maybe she'd like to do it more if I offered to pay her.

I talked with Jonathan again and he said he would support it if I wanted to pay them $1/mile so I told the kids that I wanted to give them $1 for every mile they ran this year. They seemed indifferent at the time but they weren't going to argue with someone offering to give them money.

Now every time they say they're bored I ask if they want to go run around the neighborhood with me. Most of the time they don't want to go. I still believe that they'll run more this year than if I hadn't offered to pay them.

Here's why I believe my kids should be encouraged to run and rewarded when they do.

Community
I talked about the sense of community that running fosters here. It's important to me that my children see the relationships that running builds. When you feel like you're a part of something bigger than yourself it makes you want to be a better person. When you relate to total strangers because you have shared interests it makes you feel good and there's a huge bolster in morale when you receive encouragement from someone who doesn't know you from Adam. My kids may never win awards or break records, I surely don't, but they can also be a part of a special family that cheers for each other and lifts each other up.

Coping With Stress
Running Helps Young Girls Cope With Pre-Teen Stress. We don't often realize it but our kids are under a lot of stress too. "Adolescent girls are twice as likely as boys to suffer anxiety and depression," says the article. "Running skills such as breathing and endurance help girls connect with themselves at a time in their lives when they are under pressure to conform." Anybody can run, but young girls especially can benefit from it.

Builds Confidence and Lifts Mood
Running makes you feel powerful. It makes you feel like you can do anything. When you complete a tough run you get a huge confidence boost and wonder why you ever thought you couldn't do it. When you're thinking, "should have," "could have," or "would have" all the time it's hard to have high self-esteem. On the other hand when you're thinking, "I can't believe I just..." it's hard not it. Plus, I know my husband can take one look at me when I've had a bad day and he'll simply say, "You need to go for a run" and we'll need all the help we can get with mood swings as my daughter enters adolescence.

Perseverance
Running teaches lessons about quitting, endurance, and perseverance, all lessons that could not be more valuable in life.

Heart Health
Running is simply good for our hearts. Our hearts are muscular organs that have to be worked in order to stay strong. Running works our heart muscles and helps us stay fit. Running helps us maintain a healthy weight. In addition, kids who play sports are also less likely to smoke later in life which might prevent heart disease.

Quality Time
My love language is quality time and running with my kids allows us to spend quality time together. We can talk about whatever they want when we run together just like my training group and I complain about our busy weeks, our aches and pains, and discuss the latest books we've read. If they don't already, my kids will come to realize that they have my undivided attention when we run together and that is time well spent.

Healthy Competition
Running teaches you to compete with yourself more than you compete with others. The only person you have to be better than is the person you were yesterday. A mile is a mile no matter if it takes you twelve minutes or six minutes.

Athletes Perform Better in School
Time and time again studies have shown that athletes do better in school. They have higher grades and better attendance. Of course, this goes for all sports but runners are not excluded. When you're involved in sports your coaches encourage (or require) you to keep your grades up. There are extra tutors available. You have to be at school in order to compete in the games. Because you are disciplined enough to be an athlete, you are typically disciplined enough to do well academically.

Running is Flexible
My daughter has played soccer, softball, taken dance, and gymnastics at one point or another and she may or may not stick with those throughout her life but she can always run. She won't have to wait for the season to start and she won't have to wait for the right location or lesson. She can just run. And I hope she does.

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I don't think I've ever mentioned it on my blog, but in 2010 when Julianna was just four and a half she ran her first timed race. It was the Mission Mile put on by Fleet Feet and benefited the Winston-Salem Rescue Mission. Jonathan and I did the 5k I believe and Julianna ran the one mile race.

At this point in her life she really hadn't participated in organized sports. She had taken dance and played soccer at a little camp but the girl wanted a trophy or a medal and she hadn't gotten one yet. Honestly, we wanted to do the race so we (selfishly?) talked it up to her and then we ordered her a medal ahead of time since we knew they wouldn't be giving them out for this race. It was only a couple of dollars from Oriental Trading Company.

She ran that whole stinkin' mile until she rounded the corner and came upon the finish line. All of those people gathered at the end cheering near the finish line corral overwhelmed her and scared her to the point of stopping in the middle of the street and refusing to move again for several minutes. Other runners passed us over and over again as we stood there looking at each other, me begging her to move. She turned and would have run off the course if she'd known where to go. I reached for her hand but she wouldn't come forward any more.

I never wanted to write about this publicly because I know it would embarrass her. The thing is that there are few times that I've been as proud of her. Somehow she got over the shock of seeing all of those people looking at her and she finished the race. I don't know how much the medal played a part of her finding the courage to run those last few meters to the finish line, but I do know that it's one thing I told her about to try to encourage her to get going again. For whatever reason, the kid finished her race and we gave Jules her medal. Proudly.

I want to know:
How do you reward your children? 
Do you use incentives to try to encourage your kids to behave a certain way?
Do you think I'm crazy for agreeing to pay my kids $1/per mile run this year?
Finally, how much do you think they've earned so far?

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Don't forget about my review of Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand or entering the giveaway for a $25 certificate to Family Christian. Hurry! Contest closes Friday at midnight!

up to

reading - 
I've just finished Siblings Without Rivalry which is a book about how to help your kids get along. I didn't realize (I guess ignorantly) how much influence I had over this as a parent.  I'm also getting ready to start Unbroken and will have a review up for that this weekend. Next on my list include a book by Jen Lancaster and The Unwanteds which I've heard is a good cross between The Hunger Games and Harry Potter. Although we all know that no book can compete with those two, I'm willing to try to find one.

hosting - 
My #DisneySide party is coming up this weekend. I'll write up a complete post next week but I am so excited getting all of the preparations done this week. The anticipation of seeing everyone enjoying the party is killing me and we got these adorable Mickey Brownie Pops that we've been practicing. So much fun!!!

thinking - 
I wish I could do this again. It was so much fun when Jonathan and I went before but I just don't know when we'd find the time to do it over the next couple of months. Life is just so busy sometimes! It would really be fun to do with a group of girls too so maybe I'll plan for it sometime in advance and see if anyone wants to come.

wearing - 
My mom, sister, and husband all ganged up on me because they were tired of seeing me wear my LL Bean coat from Christmas 1994 and they bought me an early birthday gift... a new coat! It's so nice and fluffy and much more in style than my previous one.

celebrating - 
We've been celebrating a week or two of no 3rd grade projects plus super duper report cards at our house. We used to let Julianna pick a fun activity to do to celebrate her good grades but the past couple of times we've given her money for them. It's working pretty well, I think, and it gives her the opportunity to celebrate whichever way she wants.

considering - 
I keep thinking about running this 24 hour race in May. Some friends of ours have done it before and are recruiting a relay team to run for 24 hours. You camp in a field and run as many 5k loops with your team as you can in 24 hours. Sounds fun but I don't know if I can convince Jonathan and scrounge up the $100 registration fee.

spa day!

One of Julianna's favorite Christmas gifts was this Spa Day kit. We were all sick over Christmas break but once Jules got to feeling better it was a great activity for us to do together that didn't require a ton of energy.

Most of the items we made required ingredients we already had around the house like flour, salt, food coloring, aloe vera, etc.

She had so much fun making lip gloss, glitter body shine, and bath bombs.

We could have gotten a bunch of recipes for these things off of Pinterest but it was nice to have the kit because it came with the little pots to put our finished products in.

A lovely gift for an even lovelier girl!

Don't forget to check out Monday's post if you missed it.

What's been a hit at your house since Christmas?

cell phone contracts

When I turned 16 my parents gave me a car and a contract to go along with it. The contract had to be signed before I could drive it and I had to agree to do things like drive responsibly, always wear my seat belt, never drive after drinking alcohol, take my sister necessary places, help pick up my grandparents laundry once a week, etc. I think it was pretty effective in stressing the importance of the car being a privilege and not a right and also encouraging safety.

My daughter is only eight but she already wants a cell phone. Julianna is actually doing a project for school where she has to tell how she would spend a million dollars and one of the things she wrote that she would buy was a cell phone. Actually, Josh wants one too and he's only four.  I've been mulling over the idea of responsible cell phone usage and not that I'll be getting either of my children one any time soon, but it has been good to give it some thought.

I know that one of the best ways to teach children is by modeling. I have pretty good kids. I try to model good behavior all the time but everyone knows how difficult that can be. It's easier not to text and drive now that I have the new car, but I don't think that ANY kid will listen when you tell them not to text and drive if they see you doing it yourself.

Some things I've been thinking about regarding cell phones that I believe would be good in a contract for your kids when they first get a cell phone are listed below. I'd love to hear your thoughts so that I can be prepared for the day when my kids do get their own phones. Leave some input in the comments if you have anything to add.

source

• Having a cell phone is a privilege, not a right. Using it with the expectation that it is yours to use as you please is a mistake and your parents are under no obligation to let you use it however and whenever you please.
• The use of a cell phone requires responsibility. I acknowledge that it is a serious matter. If my phone gets lost, damaged, wet, or ruined in any other way I will take responsibility for my actions and replace the phone at my own expense.
• Safety first! Operating a vehicle while using a cell phone injures and kills more than 419,000 people per year. I recognize that if I were to use my phone while driving I could injure or kill myself or others. I agree to do the safe thing and not use the phone until I've reached my destination.
• I acknowledge that a cell phone gives me access to beau coups of information. What I do with that information is up to me. I will search the web for only information that I would willingly share with my parents.
• Communicating with people is a life skill that I should know how to do well. I will use my manners when communicating via text, phone conversation, instant messaging, social media sites, etc just as if I was talking with them face-to-face. I will not say anything to anyone via text message or social media outlet that I would not say to them or to their grandmother's face.
• In addition to the communication guidelines mentioned above, I will not use my cell phone to be rude. When I am face-to-face with another human being I will give them the respect that they deserve and I will put down my phone. I will not carry my phone to class. I will not use my phone in public meetings such as during church and other groups where my attention is desired elsewhere.
• I will not give out information that should be kept private. This includes my own personal information and other people's information such as names, addresses, and phone numbers as well as pictures that are private in nature.
• I recognize that the information and pictures that I post are public and subject to almost immeasurable repercussions. The lasting impact of cyberspace is very powerful and I will take care to only post pictures and information that I don't mind being around forever.
• I agree to give my parents access to my phone periodically and any time upon their request. Until I prove that I am responsible enough to use a phone in a careful, respectful, and conscientious manner my cell phone usage will be monitored.

What other thoughts would you add?

What do you think is the earliest age that is appropriate to give a child a cell phone?

Do your kids have a cell phone? If so, what limits or guidelines have you placed on it's usage?

overheard

This kids were looking through a Where's Waldo book the other day in the car and from the backseat I heard, "Jules, that one looks like he's got to use the bathroom!"

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Outside Josh was carrying around the mini basketball goal and trying to place it wherever he wanted it and Julianna sarcastically told him, "Wow, Josh! You're strong!" He answered, "Yeah and did you know I can carry two hippos?"

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Going across the Gateway Y bridge Julianna said, "I sure would enjoy kayaking down the Salem River!"

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"Jules, what is that?"
"It's lip gloss."
"What's that?"
"It makes your lips sparkly. I always carry it with me."
"So people don't think you're a boy?"

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"Julianna, is there any way you can change what number it is right here on this clock?"
"Yeah, but that doesn't change the time. I mean it changes the clock but not the real time."
"Well, what button is it? I really need to know."

(We have a no TV until noon rule during the summer.)

a letter for the end of second grade

Dear Julianna,

You're eight years old and it seems like you're both 18 months and 18 years at the same time. You're 4'6" tall and you wear mostly size 10 clothes. It won't be long before you're as tall as I am.

You're about to finish up your second grade year and to say it has been a good one would be a bit of an understatement. You've had a phenomenal school year. You've gotten all 4's and all S's on your report cards.  You've taken gymnastics and played softball. You wear glasses during school all the time now since your vision has gotten so much worse. I'm not afraid to tell you that we expected that to happen since you inherited both your dad and my poor vision.

You're asking for more and more independence. For instance, you like to ride your bike down the street and visit the neighbors on your own. You will often approach the counter by yourself in a restaurant and ask for whatever it is you need.  You make phone calls on your own occasionally.  Sometimes you now write "Julie" at the top of your school papers.

You hate to have your picture taken but you love a chance to dress up and wear lip gloss. You love to sing but you're self-conscious of your voice. You have mood swings and sometimes give us the silent treatment for a bit.  You still have a sweet tooth.  You may have a touch of asthma and have been on and off with a daily inhaler while we try to figure it out. It's nothing that bothers you at all but we want to make sure that if you get sick then you can get well again as quickly as the rest of us.

The way that you've seized and taken ownership of softball and developed a love for something you're pretty darn good at has made me extremely proud. I see a few of the other girls pout when they strike out and you rarely do that. You know there will be another chance at bat and you know that it's likely you'll have a good hit.  I'm so impressed with your attitude on the field.

While you've come to really enjoy sports this year, you're also learning to knit, make friendship bracelets, make loom bracelets and braid hair. You have changed your favorite color to pink and you love to have your nails painted.

I do wish that eager and enthusiastic attitude would sometimes transfer over at home though. You often bully your little brother. You tell him that mom's inside calling him just to get him to leave you alone for a minute. I can't say that I don't understand or greatly empathize because I've definitely been there. Little siblings can be so annoying. I just wish you would take the high road a bit more often. Stop racing him to be first at EVERYTHING. We know you'll win. You're almost four years older than he is. Stop telling him he's always wrong. You naturally know more than he does. You're almost four years older than he is. Do more of the, "Can I show you how to...?" and "Do you want me to help you...?"  That's what we hope and expect of you, Big Sister.

So while it seems like just last week that we were standing in Nanna and Pap's driveway when you looked up at the crows and said, "CAWWW, CAAWWW!" for the first time, I know it wasn't. It's been eight years and before we know it, that day will have passed decades ago but I'm enjoying this time with you. You've brought tons of smiles to my face and happiness to my heart. I'm so proud of your second grade year. I'm so honored to be such a sweet girl's mom.

Love you bunches, Doodlebug!

Mama

then and now

March 2014

March 2013

March 2012

March 2011

March 2010

March 2009

March 2008

March 2007

March 2006