Monday, February 12, 2007

Please tell me why I was so afraid

I had this stunning realization yesterday. See I was supposed to run four miles on Saturday and sometimes I do put off my Saturday runs until Sunday, but Saturday I just couldn’t make myself do it. I ate poorly on Friday and Saturday and then Saturday was just a lazy day for me and I was completely unmotivated to exercise. So I waited until yesterday. Then we went to church and came home and had lunch while the little girl napped and before I knew it it was already 3something and I still hadn’t run my four miles.

I realized that I was not only procrastinating I was also seriously fretting over it. I was stressing out big time thinking that I just couldn’t do it. I realized that I was afraid of failing and afraid of beating myself up after I realized that I couldn't complete the run. I kept remembering all of those times recently where I’d run what I was supposed to run and felt awesome about myself. That feeling of pride that you get when you actually do something that you never thought you could do is certainly worth keeping around, but yesterday I just thought that there was no way I was going to be able to make it up to four miles without stopping and walking at some point. So I just didn't want to run.

Finally, I decided that I had to just try it because if I didn’t then the fear of possibly not being able to do it would be too overwhelming and I would just quit. (I know. Ridiculous, right? It's always easier to quit than to try.) Anyway, I just got on the treadmill and did it.

It really wasn’t that bad and I ran the whole. four. miles. Without stopping. FOUR. MILES. In about 49 minutes. I’m awesome. So proud of myself. So thankful for family that helps me do it. And so totally motivated again. Can you see me dancing?

April 10K here I come!

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