Friday, February 2, 2007

to work or not to work

Yesterday was a snow day. We didn’t have to go to school and that was supposed to be a good thing. Instead I stayed home all day and got nothing done. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

I agonized all day about when I was going to find the time to run, what I was going to do about working next year, and how I was going to get everything done when I had a ten month old that wouldn’t nap. I mostly just wasted time. Ugh.

Oh and I played in the floor with my sister, the girl and a bunch of pillows. FUN!

Now I keep thinking about what I want to do next school year (as far as working is concerned). I’m sure it’s a result of all of these recent posts I’ve been reading about similar topics, but mostly it’s just a result of the dumb letter of intent that I had to turn in at work this week. It is such a tough choice to make. I never thought I would be one to even consider staying home and not working, but I’ve definitely entertained the idea since little J was born. I just don’t think I’m the kind of person who could handle that all day though. On one hand I think of all of the fun places we could go during the day such as the library, the children’s museums, apple orchards, etc. But then on the other hand there’s money involved and of course, my sanity. I just don’t know how it would affect me mentally to be home all day with no adult interaction. I currently work part-time and that seems pretty good except that I go to work every day for just a few hours instead of only a few days a week and Julianna stays with my parents. So then that brings up the whole childcare factor with the actually working another school year option and I don’t want to even get in to all of the possibilities there.

Needless to say, this has been a major source of anxiety and stress for me over the last few days and I get sad and frustrated every time it pops into my head. So I think a decision just needs to be made and no matter what it is I’ll feel better. I think I’ve come to that decision although I don’t want to post it just yet.

So on a more positive note, I’m down a pound today. That puts me at 14 pounds lost. Now I only have 20 to go and I am thrilled. I’m also almost at the 10% goal. I figure if it takes me until next year to lose it all then that’s ok. At least I will be healthier and better able to take care of my girl. I’ll also have a lot higher self-esteem and hopefully will be less sad all the time. AND I’ll have clothes that fit!

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